Ellie Simmonds has said she “understands” why her mum “wished she had died at birth” after learning about her disability.
The gold-winning Paralympic swimming star, who has a form of dwarfism, exclusively revealed to The Mirror that she was adopted when she was three months old.
Last year she embarked on a search for her blood family and has now been reunited with her birth mother, who called her Eleanor - the name her adopted family kept for her.
But the 28-year-old was shocked to discover the awful things doctors said about her, which probably led to her being put up for adoption.
An information sheet given to her birth mother warned her daughter would be ridiculed and seen as “evil” and “stupid” as she grew up.
It said she would have a “large skull and depressed nasal bridge” and that children with her condition “tend to be muscular and acrobatic, which is perhaps the reason for them traditionally being involved in the circus and other forms of theatre”.
The form continued: “Children have to deal with being stared at and laughed at by other children. Indeed, there are those with normal height who equate short stature with evil and stupidity.”
Although it is shocking, Ellie says she understands why her mother gave up for adoption.
She explained: “Can you imagine reading that and thinking, ‘That’s my child’? In a way, I understand, when you don’t know anything about the disability and you get this. You’re going to be scared.”
In another blow, a social worker report described how her mother “feels very guilty regarding Eleanor’s disability and wishes she had an abortion, or that Eleanor had died”.
But this didn’t stop Ellie, who was born with achondroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism, from wanting to find her.
And after an emotional five-hour first meeting, she reveals the pair are still in touch and rebuilding their relationship.
“Until now, it’s never emotionally affected me, it never made me feel rejected or ask why do my birth parents not want me,” she says in a new ITV documentary. “I’ve been so focussed on the future and never thought about it.”
Ellie, who won five gold medals during her career in Beijing, London and Rio, has often talked about her parents as her biggest supporters but never before revealed how the couple, who have four other children, adopted her as a baby.
But when “questions started to bubble up” she decided to go in search of answers, beginning with photos and documents that her parents, of Aldridge West Mids, had kept for her.
“One of the reasons for being given up for adoption is dwarfism and maybe it can be a factor of why my personality is like it is, because of that rejection at the start,” she explains.
With the help of a specialist social worker, Ellie got hold of the files relating to her birth.
And she discovered her birth mother lived so close by she could have walked past her in the street and not known.
The pair exchanged letters, and Ellie broke down in tears as she read her mother’s letter: “Your father and I separated before I realised I was expecting you. Unfortunately it was a very sad and traumatic in my life and I struggled with my mental health.
“I’ve suffered with guilt and self-hatred for not being strong enough to cope. I cannot express the happiness I feel to know your parents and siblings have provided you with such a loving environment, that you’re so happy. You’ve achieved so much.”
Ellie, who has decided to protect her birth mother’s identity, said knowing where she had come from “helped with finding out who I am”.
She added: “Looking at someone who birthed me... it makes you a bit more whole.
“Questions I’ve carried for years have been answered. I’m proud of my life and I love my family, and maybe that family just got a bit bigger.”
*Ellie Simmonds: Finding My Secret Family airs on ITV1 and ITVX at 9pm on Thursday July 6
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