THE RED ARMY IN MOSCOW
It has long been source of frustration for Liverpool that their managers have struggled to strike the right balance between defence and attack. The Roy Evans vintage, for example, were hot stuff going forward in the mid-to-late-90s, admired by many neutrals as the finest attacking side in England when in full flow. The song “Pass & Move”, released before Roy’s boys took on Manchester United in the 1996 FA Cup final, was a glowing homage to their attacking brilliance, with much of it dedicated to urging Robbie Fowler to “go, Robbie, go” and praising shampoo salesman Jason McAteer for being “like a bat outta hell”, which is precisely what you want from a right wing-back. However, brief mentions of defensive stalwarts “Babbsy”, “Razor” and “Scalesy” smacked of how yearly appraisals at Big Paper end with The Fiver being praised for the time it went three whole days without getting its hand stuck in the vending machine. Liverpool lost the game when David James, exhibiting the judgment that last week saw him clumsily weigh in on the Mark Sampson business by tweeting that “some wasted talent can’t deal with the fact they aren’t good enough”, flapped a corner straight to Eric Cantona, who happened to be in pretty handy goalscoring form that year. Oh Jamo!
Poor old Roy ended up leaving Liverpool with only one Milk Cup to show for his efforts, making way for Géd Houllier in November 1998. Géd soon set about sorting out tightening up his creaking defence, fitting his full-backs with electric buzzers that went off every time they thought about crossing the halfway line, and his early caution looked to be bearing fruit when Liverpool nabbed three trophies plus a Super Cup in 2001. He promised that his team was destined for greatness. But then he also reckoned Bruno Cheyrou was the new Zidane, so there’s that. In the end an attack built around Mr Em barging people over made George Graham’s Arsenal look like Hungary 1954 multiplied by Brazil 1970, so eventually Géd had to make way for comparative party animal Rafa Benítez, who somehow won Big Cup with some rope-a-dope cunning against Milan.
So Liverpool have had joy in Europe by adopting a defensive outlook. Géd won Euro Vase, Rafa was a Big Cup specialist and who can forget Brendan Rodgers putting on that famous display of catenaccio at the Bernabéu in 2014? Plenty of Liverpool fans, that’s who! In fact Kopites seem much happier now Jürgen Klopp has decided the best way to win is by creating a team of hyperactive toddlers who spend matches giddily zooming up and down the pitch until their opponents are bent over double, wheezing, begging for mercy. Which is all terrific fun, only there are a few people who are starting to wonder if the German might want to take a leaf out of Géd and Rafa’s very dull book on tactics now and then.
Much of the focus before Liverpool’s Big Cup encounter at Spartak Moscow on Tuesday centred on how Klopp can fit Sadio Mané, Roberto Firmino, Philippe Coutinho and Mohamed Salah into his team. But having dropped two points against Sevilla a fortnight ago, Klopp is aware this might not be the occasion to play all his “artists”. Not when Liverpool have started the season by conceding 11 goals in six league matches and Simon Mignolet’s performances in goal have left supporters looking back fondly on the days when a sleep-deprived Jamo would turn up at Anfield having spent the entire night playing Tomb Raider. The good news is that Mignolet won’t be starting against Spartak. The bad news is the Belgian’s spot is going to Loris Karius, who makes Joe Hart look like Andrés Iniesta with the ball at his feet. All very funny, of course, but if this goes on much longer they’ll be calling for the return of Géd. And that’s when the laughter dies.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The opportunity for us to generate as much money as possible to support what happens on the pitch is of absolutely paramount importance” – Everton suit Alan McTavish on the careful consideration that went into teaming up with Angry Birds as the club’s official sleeve sponsor. Next up for the game developers: a potential Wayne Rooney spin-off. “We can work together to bring interesting characters and profiles into the games,” whooped Rovio Entertainment’s Ville Heijari.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires takes in … that Lukaku chant, the FA, the EFL and everyone’s favourite looming bonfire of the sanities, poppygate. We’ve been selective with the picture here, and all.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly becomes the Oumar Niasse appreciation society.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Was that Mr Blobby mooning the steward in the centre of the photograph in yesterday’s Fiver?” – Martyn Shapter.
“How many times has Shortbread McFiver been capped. He has been in every Scotland squad since I first subscribed to The Fiver in the noughties. Just curious” – Haapaku K Hamwene [none. Feels like the managers are just baiting him now – Fiver Ed].
“I think you’ll find that the correct Spanish for ‘do one’ (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs) is haz-uno, not has–una. Come on Fiver: levanta tu juego” – John Milce.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Martyn Shapter.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Former Newcastle United chairman Freddy Shepherd has died at the age of 75.
A Russian Football Union bod has warned Liverpool and Manchester United fans in town for their Big Cup matches against Spartak and CSKA that they face “a long stay in Russia, in conditions our guests won’t like” should there be any bother.
Fresh and funky Tony Pulis reckons Alexis Sánchez played hard and fast with the rules of gravity during West Brom’s 2-0 defeat by Arsenal. “The disappointing thing is Sánchez falls for the first free-kick, that’s cheating,” he parped.
Hearts say they will fully support Kyle Lafferty after the striker admitted he is battling a gambling addiction. “It was every day on the horses and every single race,” said Lafferty. “I was betting on anything; horses, dogs, virtual racing, roulette. There’s been times when I’ve lost big.”
Ged Roddy, the man employed eight years ago to help improve Premier League youth football, has left his post by mutual consent. Well, after being told the role “will no longer be required in the medium to long term … [He] leaves the game ideally positioned to produce an ever increasing number of better home-grown players and coaches,” roared a Premier League suit, a week after Huddersfield downgraded their academy because they could no longer compete with wealthier clubs for the best young players.
Chesterfield are set to announce Nottingham Forest Under-23 boss Jack Lester as their new manager. “I personally believe we need a different sort of fit,” tooted caretaker Guy Branston. “That’s no detriment to Jack but that’s the kind of honest person I am.”
And the MLS players’ union has jumped behind NFL players who took a knee during the USA! USA!! USA!!! anthem, calling President Trump’s howls for them to be sacked if they protest “jarring and disappointing”.
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
Madness, brilliance, ambition and pure folly: how a village team from the Czech Republic won seven promotions in 25 years, reached the top, then disappeared.
David Hytner opens his piece with a lovely rhyme – for Harry Kane it is a numbers game – then entirely fails to follow it up for the remainder of his piece.
How Liverpool’s Everton-supporting mayor Joe Anderson had to juggle more balls than a circus octopus riding a clown car doing overtime when making a call over the club’s new ground.
Like some sort of terrible Frankenstein’s monster, Eden Hazard has stitched together the best pieces of various players to make his ultimate footballer, complete with a half-and-half Benteke/Fellaini head.
Mark Sampson’s sacking paves the way for a genuine overhaul of safeguarding practices, writes Suzanne Wrack in her weekly blog.
Martin Laurence casts his eye over a few of the tastier ties in Big Cup this week, to the fury of Queen’s Celtic fans.
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