As I have Labour by a 65-seat majority in the Guardian Unlimited Election sweepstake I am already enjoying election night.
But on the all-important battle of the channels, I have to report that Sky News is ahead by a short nose with its breathless account of the attempt by Sunderland to return the quickest count of the night. We have learned from Sky that "the police have changed the one way system to get those ballot boxes to the Crowtree Leisure Centre!" with helicopter shots of a car travelling - quite slowly - round a rerouted one-way system. "I've never seen pictures quite like those!" says Adam Boulton (really??); this beats an exit poll into a cocked hat.
Sunderland has to beat its own record of 43 minutes. Tick tock. But this year they are "double teaming the ballots", say Sky, "with local school children!". I sniff a sweatshop scandal. Hamilton South are apparently the main competition. My money's on Sunderland.
Best exchange of the evening so far, also in the Sky studio, Jenny Tonge to psephologist Professor Thrusher on the scandalous lack of a three-way swingometer (!): "Surely you are clever enough to design one?" Prof Thrusher: "Yes of course. We are clever - we are very clever actually". Man speaks truth during election shock.
Any absurdities you see or hear on the broadcast media outlets - please keep us informed.
