Here’s a fact to blow your mind: as Friends celebrates its 25th anniversary, the show is now older than the actual friends themselves were supposed to be in season one. And while plenty has changed in the world since Ross, Monica et al first landed on the Central Perk couch – the dating landscape, the New York rental market, the optimum size for a hipster coffee – much of the gang’s wisdom has barely aged a day.
From self-care to sofa-care, here are eight vintage Friends quotes to help coach you through your 21st-century life dramas – whether you’re feeling “floopy”, or “kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic”. Could they BE any more profound?
‘Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You’re gonna love it’
The most intensely relatable line from the pilot episode, Monica’s supportive missive is applicable to such a wide range of challenging “adulting” scenarios, including but not limited to: Monday mornings, house moves, root canals, traffic jams, trips to Ikea, and any situation in which you’re required to converse with a tax accountant.
‘I wish I could, but I don’t want to’
A vintage Phoebe zinger here, reminding us of the almighty power of saying no. In a perfect world, this would be the only response needed when someone invites you to their slam poetry night, gender-reveal party, etc, etc.
‘JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD’
To be deployed as soon as you realise your friends have taken you, unwittingly, to a small-plates restaurant. This is best yelled over your shoulder, as you flee to the nearest burrito outlet, while the waiter earnestly explains that they recommend “four to five dishes per person” and that “everything will come out at different times” (ie the potatoes will arrive 25 minutes after the fish). Obviously feel free to insert your own name.
‘My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight’
Long before #humblebrag and #firstworldproblems entered our vernacular, we had this: Chandler’s pitch-perfect evisceration of the not-a-real-problem problem. In his case, it was Ross choosing which beautiful woman to date, but perhaps in yours it’s a plumbing leak in your third guest bathroom, or getting ID’d in Tesco because the cashier doesn’t believe you’re over 21. Pipe down.
‘It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have … and receive’
Admittedly it can often feel as though the most you’re receiving from your friends’ love stories is a John Lewis gift list number, but Joey’s heartfelt speech as Monica and Chandler’s officiant can still remind us that a good relationship should be a two-way street. It’s as much about compromise, sacrifice and teamwork as it is about tiny salt and pepper shakers. Hope you kept the receipt.
‘No uterus, no opinion’
God bless pregnant Rachel for giving us this definitive feminist clapback; still so handy to deploy in so many potential mansplaining situations. It’s just a shame so many members of the US government seem to have missed this episode.
‘Pivot!’
Sometimes, life throws you a curveball. Sometimes, you have to take a sidestep on the road to success. Sometimes, you buy a sofa that won’t fit up your staircase, no matter how many accidentally lewd stick figure diagrams you draw. But there’s no shame in admitting you need to stop and change direction. Don’t have a plan? Don’t even have a “pla …”? Embrace the power of the life-pivot, and let it take you to places you never expected to end up (including back at the sofa shop, begging for a refund).
‘How you doin’?’
No but really, though – how are you doing? Taking the time to check in with oneself is important, especially when the daily onslaught of expectations and demands from the outside world becomes overwhelming. Instead of waiting for somebody else to notice we’re flailing, perhaps you should learn to be our own sleazy actor hoping to get lucky, and hit on yourself. It’s the least you deserve.
Why not mark Friends’ 25th anniversary by treating yourself – or, indeed, a friend – to the Friends box set? Then you’ll have all this wisdom, and more, on tap, forever.
