Do you ever get the feeling, Kris Kobach, that someone in the White House wants you not just kneecapped but bleeding by the side of a road no one ever drives on?
First, back in February, Trump administration officials put out the word that that the former Kansas secretary of state need not apply for any top job in the administration. "Kris is not under consideration for a Cabinet position," a senior aide declared.
Then, Republican officialdom made clear that should the Javert of voter fraud decide to run for Pat Roberts' Senate seat next year, it would intervene as forcefully as necessary to prevent a repeat of the lazy, losing gubernatorial campaign Kobach ran against Laura Kelly in 2018.
And now, because you can never be too mindful when burying the dead, the White House has leaked a Kobachian list of demands. Apparently, he said he'd only serve as President Donald Trump's immigration czar with a jet on call, and a few other musts that would make Kanye West blush.
On top of the jet, he'd need a West Wing office, no intrusions on the weekends _ what, you're not pro-family? _ and a guaranteed promotion to secretary of homeland security by November.
Also, he'd have to be able to stroll into the Oval Office at will, order up a security detail as needed, and enjoy the security of knowing that Cabinet secretaries with any immigration-related duties would defer to him _ curtsies and deep bows optional, but the president's intervention required. His title, his list said, would be assistant to the president.
These all seem perfectly legit to us, there being after all no mention of the vanilla aromatherapy candles or Opus One Cabernet Sauvignon demanded by Mariah Carey, and nothing like the no-brown M&Ms rule that Van Halen's team made famous.
But alas, Trump seems ready to go in a different artistic direction and choose instead former Virginia attorney general Kenneth T. Cuccinelli II, who also ran unsuccessfully for governor of his state, in 2013.
Maybe, given the outlandishness of Kobach's demands, he did not really want the job anyway.
But instead of running for another political office, continuing to scam small towns or forcing even one more federal judge to hold him in contempt of court, he could consider work as a "Know your worth" salary negotiator.
Though we're not sure who could afford him, his presumption is beyond question.
