Dear fellow citizens of Facebook:
We're so sorry we shared your private messages with Netflix and Amazon and others.
We know at this point you're probably tired of what seems like the umpteenth example of an endless cycle: a revelation of a breach of trust on our part, followed by a spasm of self-flagellation, followed by news about another breach of trust.
So consider this letter an attempt to rip off the Band-Aid once and for all.
When we tracked your movements, we shouldn't have measured the exact amount of time you spent in the bathroom, then signed you up for marketing lists for anti-constipation medication.
We deeply regret using keylogging software to capture messages you considered sending but decided not to, then sold them to the intended almost-recipient.
We wish we had never let Russian cyber-operatives pose as your own sons and daughters and say they hate you.
We shouldn't have used face recognition technology on the photos of you, your family and your friends, then found your doppelgangers, then sent fake phishing emails to you from these doppelgangers threatening to frame you for crimes you did not commit.
Please give us one more chance.
