Feeling a little under the weather? ... An Edinburgh fringe performer in full make-up selther from the rain. Photograph: David Moir / Reuters
No matter how much you love the Edinburgh Festival - and I love it plenty - there comes a moment when you just want to bomb the rotten place flat, pulverise the rubble with a sledgehammer, sow the ground with salt and line the railway track from Peterborough to Waverley with performers' heads on pikes.
This feeling usually passes with a few deep breaths, but what remains when the apoplexy fades is far worse. Your eyes creak in their sockets. Your limbs ache. That undercooked hotdog you carelessly consumed between gigs is threatening unspeakable violence to your innards. It's raining again. And, dear God, there's another fortnight of this punishment to go.
This is the Second Week Slump: a spiritual exhaustion so profound that the prospect of trudging to another show, even some mythical Fringe Valhalla offering free biscuits and nudity, brings a cold sweat to your spine.
Anyone who spends sufficient time at the festival knows this feeling, which is usually triggered by an escalating combo of minor irritations. A couple of terrible shows in a row, a howling rainstorm, a power cut, slipping in a puddle at the Pleasance and whanging your ankle so badly you spend the next two days limping up and down the Royal Mile like a student Richard III ...
The possibilities are endless. The question is, how do you shake off the slump and recharge your cultural batteries? A quick straw poll of performers reveals the following top tips.
· Take a day off. This is a double-edged sword. 24 hours of nothing but tea and telly can be just the fillip you need, but you may find that, after a day of luxurious indolence, returning to the fray is impossible.
· Vitamins. Gorge yourself on smoothies and juices from the various stalls around town. Apple, ginger and carrot is especially effective.
· Walk all the way up and down the Royal Mile taking every leaflet you are offered and asking about every show. Enthusiasm is catching.
· Have a swim.
· Watch something with singing. The rejuvenating powers of the Soweto Gospel Choir, for instance, or the various improvised musical shows, will work wonders on your jaded soul.
· Go to the book festival. It's far more relaxing, and you can feel culturally ennobled at the same time.
· Do your laundry. Nothing raises the spirits like a clean pair of pants.
But that's enough from us - we want to hear from you: tell us your guaranteed slump beating technique, and let's spread a little cheer around the festival city. After all, it has to stop raining eventually.
