FULL TIME: Dynamo Kyiv 5-2 Everton (agg 6-4)
And that’s that. There goes Everton’s hope of adding the 2015 Europa League trophy to their 1985 Cup Winners Cup. And for the first time in 20 years, there are no English teams in any European quarter final. Still, Everton were the last British side left in Europe this season, by a good 22 hours. They can’t take that away from them.
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90 min +4: One last chance for Lukaku, who bobbles a weak shot goalwards from the left-hand corner of the Kyiv D. Shovkovskiy claims. Besic is booked for a petulant shove on Dragovic.
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90 min +3: The clock ticks on. Kyiv perform some expert faffing.
90 min +2: Barkley slides a pass left for Lukaku, who strides into the area and lashes a shot goalwards. Shovkovskiy claims, despite a slight deflection. There goes Everton’s last, small, delicate sliver of hope.
90 min +1: Antunes is booked for faffing around.
90 min: Gusev goes off, Kalitvintsev comes on. There will be four added minutes. Time for a couple of goals? Probably not. But with this Everton side, anything could happen.
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89 min: Everton’s mini revival looks to have sputtered out. Kyiv knock it around in the opposition half without really bothering to press forward. Time is their best pal.
88 min: A lot of scrappy nonsense in the middle of the park. Suddenly Everton break forward down the left. Osman, on the edge of the box, looks for the top right with a curler. But it’s severely undercooked, and Shovkovskiy claims with a yawn. “Do teams still exchange pennants before big European ties or have they been consigned to the dustbin of history, like rolled up waistbands on shorts and Third Lanark?” wonders Simon McMahon. “Maybe the big cheeses in Geneva should consider a Uefa Pennants League for teams that have dropped out of both the Champions League and Europa League. Arsene Wenger would be up for it I reckon.”
86 min: Baines’s free kick blams into the wall. It comes back to him, and he wheechs a low shot through a thicket of white and blue shirts. It’s on target, but unfortunately for Everton, straight at Shovkovskiy. What a preposterous climax to a preposterous match. I repeat: who needs the Champions League?
85 min: Barkley and Osman tiki-taka their way down the middle of the park. On the edge of the D, Dragovic slides in and upends him. A free kick, in a very dangerous position! If this goes in. If this goes in.
83 min: Rybalka and Lukaku are both booked for playground nonsense. If Everton somehow turn this around, and hey, why not, there’s time, the striker’s missing the next match.
GOAL! Dynamo Kiev 5-2 Everton (Jagielka 82; agg 6-4)
This is getting silly now. A corner for Everton down the right. Baines takes, and his ball is flicked at the near post across a static Shovkovskiy and into the top left. Er ... they couldn’t, could they? They just need two!
79 min: Besic lamely gives the ball away, on the edge of his own D. Veloso flicks a clever first-time backheel to the right for Yarmolenko, who batters a screamer off the bar from 12 yards or so. This is officially a shambles now. Everton’s defending, to a man, has been nothing short of disgraceful.
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77 min: Besic comes on for McCarthy.
WHAT A GOAL THIS IS!!! Dynamo Kyiv 5-1 Everton (Antunes 76; agg 6-3)
We’ve seen some pearlers already tonight, but this is an astonishing strike. Antunes takes a stride down the inside-left channel and, 30 yards out, creams a rising shot into the top right. That was going in the moment it left his boot, Howard given no chance whatsoever. No closing down, mind. Everton’s defence deserve a good talking-to.
74 min: Teodorczyk, one of Kyiv’s goalscorers, is replaced by Kravets.
73 min: Buyalskiy flicks a ball down the middle to release Yarmolenko. He’s clear on goal, but the flag goes up for offside. Incorrectly, for Coleman was hanging back, playing the Kyiv man on. Everton’s defence has been a risible shambles tonight. The David Moyes era seems quite a long time ago, doesn’t it.
71 min: Teodorczyk is sent scampering down the inside-left, Alcaraz confused once again. He aims for the top left, and the ball’s flying in from the edge of the box, but Howard tips round for a corner. And then another corner, from which Buyalskiy is afforded the chance to shoot from the right-hand corner of the box. His effort is blocked. Another Kyiv goal and this really is all over.
69 min: Osman goes on a ramble down the left, into the box. Antunes shoulder charges him to the ground with extreme prejudice. Osman claims a penalty, but that’s probably fair, if rather forceful. The referee isn’t having a bar of it, anyway.
67 min: Lukaku romps down the inside-left channel, but is hounded off the ball by Khacheridi. Kone was in space in the middle there, waiting to be slipped free. No need for Everton to panic quite yet, and embark on rococo solo runs; one goal would certainly change things.
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66 min: The PA announcer took a good 90 seconds to call the substitutes. There goes that atmosphere!
65 min: Kyiv swap Sydorchuk for Buyalskiy, while Everton make a double change: Naismith and Atsu off, Kone and Osman on.
62 min: Kyiv come right back at Everton, Teodorczyk fizzing a low effort inches wide of the left-hand post from 20 yards. “Ah yes, this IS the same Everton team we’ve been watching in England,” quips Rob Coughlin.
61 min: What an effort here from Ross Barkley, who cuts in from the left and steers a high-powered effort towards the top-right corner. The ball clatters off the top of the right-hand post, and away. So close to hauling Everton back into contention. That’s the second time he’s hit the woodwork with a brilliant effort!
59 min: Another Everton corner, but all that happens is that Yarmolenko tears off down the left wing on the break. He’s eventually hounded out of it, but Everton were light at the back, and certainly can’t afford to concede again.
58 min: Atsu cuts in from the right and lashes a rising shot towards the top left. Shovkovskiy gets a strong arm to the ball. Barkley returns it, a deflection wide left earning a corner. Which is a non-event. Everton are in all sorts of trouble now, and appear to have decided to throw caution to the wind. They’re piling forward.
GOAL! Dynamo Kyiv 4-1 Everton (Gusev 56; agg 5-3)
Sydorchuk is sprung into the Everton box down the right. He reaches the byline and pulls a low ball back for Gusev. His shot from six yards is blocked by Coleman, but the ball comes straight back at him. He clips it in off the right-hand post. Everton’s defenders were all standing around, rooted to the spot, with the exception of Coleman, who had fallen over. Farcical defending.
54 min: It’s all a bit scrappy right now. Antunes has a dig from 30 yards out on the left. The ball loops into Howard’s arms.
52 min: Kyiv aren’t quite the attacking force of the first half. They seem happy to sit back, which could be a dangerous gambit, and one that plays into Everton’s hands, given the Merseyside club’s Achilles heel is their defence. The attack’s in decent enough nick.
49 min: Lukaku busies himself down the left wing, and his mere presence panics Shovkovskiy and Khacheridi into conceding a cheap corner. As the set piece is flung into the area, Naismith chases it and flops over Teodorczyk’s leg. Penalty? Nope. He’s not getting that decision, the saucy get. Still, worth the effort, modern football and all that.
46 min: Jagielka, making a clearance, lands flat on his back after performing an overhead kick. An inauspicious start to the half. The only way is up.
And we’re off again! Kyiv get the ball rolling for the second half. No changes for either side. No escape from Alcaraz.
Half-time soothing balm: It doesn’t look promising for Everton right now. Time, perhaps, to recall better days in Europe. Hey, here’s the team showing off the 1985 Cup Winners Cup!
And here’s Kevin Ratcliffe and Hans Krankl exchanging pennants before the game.
So Everton made off with the trophy, and even got the best deal with the pennants. The one they foisted on Rapid is kids’-bedroom-sized at best, club-shop tat. The Viennese effort is a proper trophy-room job. We’re not so much talking size, though that’s a factor. Just look at the luxurious, furry fringe!
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HALF TIME: Dynamo Kyiv 3-1 Everton (agg: 4-3)
Coleman breaks down the right, and earns a corner after a powerful and persistent run. Atsu swings it in, failing to beat the first man, Rybalka. And that’s that for the first half. This isn’t over. Everton are more than capable of scoring. But they need to tighten it up at the back. Will the very rickety Antolin Alcaraz survive the half-time break? We find out soon. No flipping!
45 min: This is better. Barkley makes a little space down the left, and whips a cross down the corridor of uncertainty. Lukaku was lurking at the right-hand post. Antunes is forced to chest out for a corner, which is played short, i.e. wasted. But a reminded that this game is still in the balance. Everton only need one goal to progress. Which is not beyond them. The equation only works out for them if they don’t concede again, mind. Whether that’s achievable is another matter.
44 min: Space for Gusev down the left. He fizzes a low cross into the box. Howard claims under some pressure. Ah, turns out the ball went out for a throw before Gusev crossed. But that’s not really the point. Everton are way too open at the back. Kiev look dangerous in every wave of attack.
42 min: Credit to Kyiv, that was some response to Lukaku’s equaliser. They’ve been brilliant so far, even if Everton have been very polite guests.
40 min: Now it’s Everton’s turn to look stunned. They’re all over the shop at the back. Veloso makes off down the left, and swings a cross into the centre. Yarmolenko isn’t far away from meeting that one with a crashing header, but Coleman rises to save the day. This game can’t go to extra time now, by the way, but you knew that already. Just saying.
GOAL! Dynamo Kyiv 3-1 Everton (Veloso 37; agg 4-3)
We’re not all level. Another Evertonian defensive howler. A long ball. Veloso goes up for it on the edge of the box, and heads to the right towards Teodorczyk. The striker doesn’t win the second header, but Jagielka does his work for him, heading weakly back across the face of the box. Veloso takes the ball down, and batters it into the top left! All of a sudden, Everton are going out. Then again, one more goal will do it for them. The beauty of away goals in European football, right there.
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GOAL! Dynamo Kyiv 2-1 Everton (Teodorczyk 35;agg 3-3)
This is a defensive shambles from an Evertonian viewpoint. Atsu tries to break up the Kyiv advance, but the ball only goes as far as Gusev on the left flank. Gusev lifts a ball into the area, to Yarmolenko, six yards out, level with the right-hand post. He heads down, just as Jagielka and Alcaraz are recreating some classic 1920s movies by sliding around on their arses. The ball falls to the feet of Teodorczyk, who can’t miss. We’re all level.
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34 min: A corner on the right, leads to a corner on the left. Kyiv break from the second one, and...
33 min: And now it’s Kyiv looking a bit ragged at the back. Lukaku slides a clever ball down the inside-right channel to release Naismith into the box. Naismith gets a snapshot away, but it’s blocked for a corner on the right.
31 min: Kyiv seem collectively shocked. They aren’t quite pinging the ball around with the same fervour, having been pegged back by this resilient Everton side for a second game running.
GOAL! Dynamo Kyiv 1-1 Everton (Lukaku 29; agg 2-3)
They’re not rocking any more! Or they are, albeit in a very different way. Atsu doesn’t quite win a header on the edge of the Kyiv box. Naismith can’t get onto the loose ball as it drops. But it breaks to Lukaku, 25 yards out. Everton’s leading European goalscorer takes a touch, and launches a screaming curler into the top left! What a strike! What a reaction to going behind! Everton are suddenly in the box seat again.
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27 min: It’s a one-man show for Kyiv right now, too. Alcaraz misreads a simple ball down the middle. And Yarmolenko is free, just inside the box! He looks to curl one into the bottom left, and it’s on target, but Howard is down quickly to tip it away for a corner. What a save! The set piece comes to nothing. Everton are rocking here.
25 min: And right on cue, here’s another Barkley shot! A fairly aimless ball down the inside-left channel, but he really makes something of it, striding past Danilo Silva and making it into the area, before lashing a shot across Shovkovskiy and off the base of the right-hand post! Everton so unfortunate. Barkley is their sole threat right now.
24 min: Kyiv have been causing all sorts of trouble down that right flank. Rybalka makes off down it now, but the move fizzles out. Everton haven’t really got into this game at all yet, those Barkley shots apart.
GOAL! Dynamo Kyiv 1-0 Everton (Yarmolenko 21; agg 2-2)
What a goal this is! Yarmolenko is afforded a little space down the inside-right wing. He drops a shoulder to drift inside, past a static Barry, and from 25 yards curls an unstoppable shot into the top-left corner! Howard was rooted to the spot there. What a goal from the Kyiv star turn! Everton need to score now, because as things stand, the Ukrainians are going through on away goals.
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20 min: A rare period of Everton possession in the Kyiv half. There’s space for Baines down the left, but Barry’s attempt to find the full back with a raking crossfield ball is overhit, and the move breaks down.
17 min: Yarmolenko very nearly skins Baines down the right, but the full back recovers well to run the Kyiv danger man out of play for a goal kick. For a second there, Yarmolenko had the run of that flank. Everton need to shore it up a bit, they’re giving up a lot of opportunities down there.
15 min: Silva is a real danger down the right. Yet another cross into the box. Gusev was winding his neck back to crash a header goalwards from the penalty spot, but Teodorczyk steps in ahead of him and eyebrows it away from danger. Cue frantic that’s-your-fault / not-my-fault gesticulations.
13 min: Kyiv earn the first corner of the match down the right, and take it quickly, and short. Yarmolenko whips a low ball into the Everton box, but it’s hacked clear by Jagielka. All a bit rushed.
12 min: It’s been a brisk, open start. Both teams opt to catch their breath in the midfield awhile. “So Kyiv are a crack East European team, that comprises officers in the Soviet Army (who are, of course, all full-time pros),” begins Everton’s Gary Naylor, getting his 80s on. “Yes, these Russians are a tough proposition on their own turf, but Sheedy and Steven will fancy their chances of supplying Sharp and Gray.”
9 min: Kyiv is Facsimile City right now. Barkley cuts in from the right and has a shot. Both sides showcasing their favourite moves at every possible opportunity here.
8 min: Silva down the right again, and another deep cross, this time met by the head of Teodorczyk. Howard claims a ball threatening to squirt into the bottom left. Everton want to watch this.
7 min: Naismith and Silva, both grown adults remember, kick out at each other in the Toddler Style while sat on the floor. Take that, and that, nyah. The referee stops short of clipping them both around the lug, but only just.
6 min: Everton finally string a few passes together, making good down the right flank, Atsu putting himself about. Barkley takes up possession, cuts in from the flank, drops a shoulder, and sends a dribbler towards the bottom right. It’s trundling along at 1mph, that one, but the 40-year-old Shovkovskiy still manages to mishandle. He gathers at the second attempt. Lucky Barkley didn’t send that one in at 2mph, eh.
4 min: Coleman allows himself to be robbed by Gusev down the Kyiv left, near the corner flag. Throw to the home side, taken quickly. Antunes bursts into the box from the left, and lashes a wild shot across goal and out on the right. That was a rare old slice. Everton need to watch themselves, though, because they were collectively snoozing there, and gave up a more-than-decent half-chance.
2 min: A bit of space for Danilo Silva, sent scampering down the right wing after a lovely reverse pass from Sydorchuk. Silva hoicks a looping cross towards the back stick, where Kyiv’s first-leg goalscorer, Gusev, rises high. He gets his head to the ball, but sends it well over the bar. Early danger signs for Everton.
And we’re off! Everton, defending their 2-1 first-leg lead, get the ball rolling, bouncing and bobbling on an uneven pitch. An awful lot of whistling as they do so. And a wonderful atmosphere. European football at its best! Who needs the Champions League?
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The teams are out! Dynamo Kyiv are playing in their beautiful all-white ensemble. Everton take to the field decked out that famous blue. This is an aesthetic delight! We’ll be off in a minute. “I’m more than a bit confused by all the pundits claiming that this year’s Champions League is a condemnation of the Premier League,” begins MBM regular Marie Mayer. “So I really, really don’t know what I am supposed to read into the fact that the sole survivor in Europe is 14th in the table and before last weekend looked like a relegation candidate. My natural inclination would be to say that the data is too noisy to support conclusions because the sample size is so small and because cup competitions are by definition random. But if that was true, it would mean that pages and pages of copy to the contrary are being written just to take up space. That couldn’t be, could it?” Ha, fair points, well made. But data? Noisy data? Sample sizes? [MBM hack double-checks that we’re still talking about sport.] Et tu, Marie?! Et tu?!! Don’t tell me they’ve got to you as well!
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Roberto Martinez shuffles his pack. He’d look good as a dapper riverboat gambler on a Mississippi steamer, wouldn’t he? Friendly yet inscrutable. A dapper man. Poor, unsuspecting rubes. He makes four changes to the team that beat Newcastle 3-0 at the weekend. Steven Naismith, Ross Barkley, Gareth Barry - whose domestic suspension does not apply in the Europa League - and Christian Atsu come in for Arouna Kone, Leon Osman, Darron Gibson and the cup-tied Aaron Lennon. Kyiv make three changes to the team that started so well at Goodison: out go defender Domagoj Vida, midfielder Denys Garmash and striker Dieumerci Mbokani, replaced respectively by Yevhen Khacheridi, Serhiy Rybalka, and Lukasz Teodorczyk. It’s on!
Cast and crew
Dynamo Kiev: Shovkovskiy, Danilo Silva, Khacheridi, Dragovic, Antunes, Rybalka, Veloso, Yarmolenko, Sydorchuk, Gusev,
Teodorczyk.
Subs: Rybka, Garmash, Kravets, Burda, Buyalsky, Kalitvintsev, Mbokani.
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Alcaraz, Jagielka, Baines, McCarthy, Barry, Naismith, Barkley, Atsu, Lukaku.
Subs: Robles, Gibson, Kone, Besic, Osman, Stones, Garbutt.
Referee: Deniz Aytekin (Germany)
Early-evening kick-offs in continental competition, beamed all the way from Eastern Europe? Oh yes! Yes please. Is there a more romantic and hopelessly windswept type of fixture? If we can just get Ukrainian television to fire up a Commodore Vic-20 for some yellow block-capital on-screen captioning, and get ITV’s commentator to deliver his work down a crackly phone line, this will be like the mid-1980s all over again. That’s all any of us want, right?
You wouldn’t hear many Evertonians complaining. This grand old team won their only European trophy to date in 1985, the Cup Winners Cup. Now, nearly 30 years later, it’s time to start dreaming about a second one. The more of a mid 1980s vibe there is, the better.
And why not start dreaming? For Everton appear to have found a little form again at just the right time. An appalling run had seen them slip alarmingly down the Premier League table, and 30 minutes into the first leg of this tie, with Kiev a goal up and Everton unable to string two passes together, the rest of the season promised only pain and anxiety.
But Everton dug in to turn the first leg around. They won 2-1, Steven Naismith and Romelu Lukaku scoring, Gareth Barry dominant in midfield, Phil Jagielka strong at the back, the young left-back Luke Garbutt excelling with the dead ball. Suddenly there was hope. Newcastle were dispatched with imperious ease in the league at the weekend, and suddenly a new vista opens out in front of Roberto Martinez’s side. A result here tonight, and they’ll be four matches away from Warsaw, and their first European final in 29 years.
But it’s hardly a gimme for Everton. As good as Everton were during the final hour of the first leg, Dynamo were impressive in the opening 30 minutes. They’re a fluid side in full cry, and have won their last four home matches in Europe by two goals or more. Against English opposition, they’ve lost just one of their last six home games, winning three. This will be a test all right.
On the flip side, Everton can point to a run of four games unbeaten away from home in Europe this season, two wins and a couple of draws. And their main man Lukaku is the top scorer remaining in this competition with seven goals - a streak that’s catapulted him to the top of Everton’s all-time European goalscoring chart.
Pre-match roll call. Aberystwyth Town: OUT. Airbus UK Broughton: OUT. Bangor City: OUT. Glenavon: OUT. Crusaders: OUT. Linfield: OUT. Motherwell: OUT. Aberdeen: OUT. St Johnstone: OUT. Hull City: OUT. Celtic: OUT. Liverpool: OUT. Tottenham Hotspur: OUT. Chelsea: OUT. Arsenal: OUT. Manchester City: OUT. Everton, it’s all up to you.
Style guide: As you can see, it says Kiev in big letters up top. But that’s an automated feed and so we’re furiously washing our hands of that one. IT’S BEEN FIXED!!! We’re using Kyiv, which is the Ukrainian spelling, rather than the former Russian one. Of course in Cyrillic it’s Київ, but give a po’ MBM hack a break, huh.
Kick off: 8pm in Kiev, 6pm back on Merseyside.
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