Dylan Phythian says he still harbors the odd regret.
It might be well over three years since his NRL career came crashing down at the Knights after just three top-grade games when he was banned for testing positive for a second time to a recreational drug. But the scars of having his dream taken away haven't completely faded.
"I still wake up some days and think about it - what might possibly have been if things were different," he said. "But it is what it is and you have to move forward.
"There was stuff I was sort of going through at the time and the way it all happened, I went the wrong way about it and did the wrong thing and paid the price. But I'm not going to let the decisions I made back then affect the rest of my life."
While the dream may no longer be an NRL career, it doesn't mean he has stopped dreaming.
It's why he has made the tough decision to quit the Central Butcher Boys and return to junior club Lakes United next season.
He wants to help lead a Seagulls revival under new coach Ian 'Bubba' Bourke and bring the Newcastle Rugby League premiership trophy back to Belmont.
"That's the plan, yeah," Phythian said. "Bubba had a lot to do with it. It was always something I wanted to do at some point.
"I always had the thought of going back to Lakes to finish off my career. It was just the timing. I think Bubba called me less than 24 hours after the club announced he had the coaching job to ask me would I come back now."
Phythian didn't say yes straight away.
"I went and had a chat with him and the club and I was very 50-50 for a while because Central is a really good club and there's a lot of really good blokes there," he said.
"So it wasn't a real easy decision to make but at the end of the day, I'm 26 now, I'm not getting any younger and I'm probably in my prime so I just thought with Bubba coming in, the best time to do it is now.
"Telling Phil Williams and Heath Anderson [Central coach and president] - they were the conversations I was dreading most. But the great blokes that they are, they sort of took it well and understood where I was coming from. We dealt with it all pretty well actually and I've only got great things to say about Central."
Lakes have also signed Jack Kelly, another Lakes junior, from Central while Carl Randall returns from Maitland.
"We're just targeting our juniors to come back - that's been out main recruitment focus coming into our 75th anniversary year," Bourke said. "It's about pathways for us and educating our kids to be the best they can be and give them opportunities.
"Talking to the senior players, we felt we were missing good game managers so that's why Dyl [Phythian] and Jack were important."
Phythian said he is keen to get back and help build something at the club.
"The club has been struggling for a few years so it would be good to go back and build and try and win a grand final in the next few years," he said.
