LOS ANGELES _ The former NFL wide receiver with "FEAR GOD" etched on his biceps and his mother's name written over his heart opened the worn black composition book with a faded newspaper photograph of retired NBA player Metta World Peace taped to the cover.
Titus Young was once classified among the most dangerous inmates at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility in downtown Los Angeles and spent most of his days in lockdown. In early 2017, he started to write.
"I have made so many mistakes I have become a little ashamed of being Titus Young," he scribbled in fast-paced printing. "A lot of the stuff I have done was out of my control during the time. ... I was hearing voices.
"Hearing voices is no joke, it's actually very scary. I feel like someone is trying to come kill me."
The diary is 141 pages, started Feb. 2 and finished about two months later. Young, who hopes to turn it into a book, asked a relative to share excerpts with the Los Angeles Times rather than agree to an interview.
Entries meander from one topic to another, some written in textbook cursive, others in printing that's barely decipherable. Young, then 27, wrote about wanting to be a better father to his young son. About gnawing hunger, cold and feeling homeless during four months in lockdown. About mental illness.
And about football. Always football.
"God is great still being behind bars because this has given me a chance to share my side of my story, which coming from the public has been so negative," Young wrote.
His once-promising career with the Detroit Lions disintegrated in a series of altercations and worrisome behavior. He accumulated at least 25 criminal charges _ including 10 for assault or battery _ in Southern California since 2013. He bounced between mental health treatment facilities, courtrooms and jail.
"I want to be free," Young wrote. "I believe God has a plan for me and deep down I believe it's to dominate the NFL."
