MONDAY NIGHT ROAR
Now that all those no-good hipsters have stopped prattling on about the Copa Libertadores final – “Foreign muck!” The Fiver’s English cousin, $exually Repressed Morris Dancing Fiver, rapped on Sunday night – the moment all true football fans have been waiting for is almost upon us. All you posers can stop pretending that you’ve heard of Boca Juniors, River Plate and Carlos Tevez. So what if you can point out Argentina on a map of the world? Whoop dee doo! Nobody cares! What was the score again? Don’t care! Everton versus Watford is only a few hours away and The Fiver needs to make sure it’s in position to drink in every minute of one of English football’s great rivalries.
The build-up, after all, has been a sight to behold. There’s no love lost between these two sides and The Fiver could feel the hairs on the back of its neck standing to attention after learning what Watford fans have got in store for Marco Silva on Monday evening. Still aggrieved with how Everton’s flirting with Silva culminated in the Portuguese’s brief spell at Vicarage Road coming to a premature end earlier this year, travelling Hornets fans are planning to rattle their former manager by taunting him with rubber snakes. Let’s hope the Everton boss is made of stern stuff. But it won’t be easy for Silva to keep his emotions in check. Goodison Park, after all, is going to be a wall of noise as Evertonians get ready for what may well go down as the most memorable bout of Monday Night Football of all time.
“We know when we get there it will be hostile,” stormed Troy Deeney, Watford’s head of passion, before a game that could go a long way towards deciding which of these sides ends up finishing seventh. “They’re going to give us grief.” But Watford are going to give some back, don’t you worry about that. Deeney, the owner of football’s largest set of cojones, is so pumped up that he’s vowed to “smash” Richarlison, who followed Silva to Everton in the summer, and the smack talk continued when Javi Gracia was asked if he’s planning to chuck a rubber snake at his opposite number. “I don’t know him personally,” Watford’s manager roared. “I know now he is making a good job in Everton and I respect him.” Phwoar! You don’t get this in South America, do you?
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Simon Burnton for hot MBM coverage of Everton 2-1 Watford from 8pm GMT.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I thought his reaction was just brilliant. You saw his face. He gave the right response, not to react for these people. They don’t deserve any reaction, they don’t deserve any respect” – Jürgen Klopp praises Raheem Sterling for his response after the forward was subjected to alleged racist abuse during Manchester City’s Premier League defeat at Chelsea on Saturday.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly is running a bit late but will be here.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
This is going to be good: here’s the trailer for Sunderland ‘Til I Die.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Is ignorance bliss? As only an American might, I occasionally find The Fiver hilarious, though it’s too often just because the words themselves are funny. On the other hand, if I was more enlightened about some of your nicknames, perhaps I would block the email as many others have. Then again would your homegrown football fanatics continue to read if you catered to the the likes of me? I don’t know. I used to be a confident, proud American and would pretend to know everything but that ship has sailed with our president. Now I just go ahead and ask” – Michael Hartman [this may help – Fiver Ed].
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BITS AND BOBS
After three attempts, a move to a new continent, extra time, a goalkeeper going up for a corner with nine minutes left then conceding in the empty net, and the ref turning a blind eye to quite a lot, River Plate are finally the Fun and Games in South America Dept champions. “All we can do is make sure that all of this never happens again,” sniffed River captain Leonardo Ponzio.
Having bulked up too much in the summer, Romelu Lukaku has adopted The Fiver’s workout regime in a bid to get back out of shape. “I had to lose muscle basically. So you just stay out of the gym,” he flexed.
Bolton will deign to pay their players for November after getting union-ed by the PFA. “Hopefully [we] will bring this matter to a swift end and we can all move on,” parped chairman Ken Anderson.
In news that has curiously emerged after he had a stormer against Manchester City and not, say, after the Tottenham debacle, David Luiz could be forced out at Chelsea by the club’s over-30s contract policy.
And Newport manager Mike Flynn has cancelled his players’ Christmas night out in Dublin to ensure the side focuses on their FA Cup second replay against Wrexham. “I’m not bothered about Christmas dos. It’s the last thing on my mind. Christmas is neither here nor there. Call me Scrooge if you want, because it will be cancelled if we don’t win,” said Scrooge.
STILL WANT MORE?
Here’s Stan Collymore on Raheem Sterling and racism.
Andy Brassell has stopped eating sauerkraut mit kartoffelsalat for just long enough to pen his weekly blog on why Jadon Sancho is the real deal at Dortmund.
Paolo Bandini was still buzzing from his morning pint of espresso and semifreddo when he rattled out his blog on a dramatic weekend in Serie A.
Sid Lowe’s, er, castanet practice had to be put on hold while he tapped out his latest La Liga blog – on Messi, Argentina and snipers on roofs.
Adam White and Eric Devin removed their berets for an hour or so to pen their Ligue Urrnnn blog on how Hatem Ben Arfa is still banging them in.
Come for Rachel Brown-Finnis’s analysis of the WSL action this weekend, stay for the video clip of the most outrageous backheeled nutmeg you’ll see this week.
Premier League talking points: 10 of them.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
