With a cast that officially includes the likes of Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis, Richard Armitage and Sean Slater from EastEnders – and potentially Sylvester McCoy, David Tennant, James Nesbitt and Bill Bailey – The Hobbit is already shaping up to be an especially British pair of films. But there's a chance that this is merely the tip of the British iceberg.
Late last week, thanks to ongoing strife with New Zealand Equity over pay and conditions, Peter Jackson claimed that Warner Bros executives were planning to move production to another country. And, better yet, it's been suggested that The Hobbit could be filmed in the old Harry Potter studio near Watford. Fran Walsh has even appeared on a New Zealand radio station to say: "They have had people in the UK taking location photographs."
How incredible would that be? The Hobbit, filmed in Britain. Not only would this country provide a Middle-earth more in keeping with the gentle rolling Malvern hills of JRR Tolkien's youth, but the various shooting locations would become an almighty tourist magnet. Look what The Lord of the Rings did for New Zealand: prior to those films it was just bungee jumping and binge drinking, but now the spectacular scenery is its own selling point. Although Britain doesn't have quite the same awe-inspiring range of geographical extremes as New Zealand, that wouldn't stop the tourists from pouring in.
And don't forget that Britain is incredible at pretending to be other places in films. If Stanley Kubrick could convince viewers that London's Docklands were really Vietnam, or the makers of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace could convince viewers that Milton Keynes railway station was really the UN headquarters, then there's no reason why Peter Jackson couldn't convince viewers that various parts of the UK are really Middle-earth.
But, if The Hobbit does end up coming to Britain, where would some of the key scenes be shot? Luckily I've saved Peter Jackson a bit of time by looking into this problem myself.
Rivendell
Suggested location: An easy one. Tolkien also based Rivendell on Watersmeet House in the Lyn Valley, in Devon. So that'll do. Even though it's mainly a National Trust tea room now.
Esgaroth
Suggested location: With a bit of trickery in post-production, this could be the perfect regeneration scheme for Hastings pier.
Lonely Mountain
Suggested location: The Pennines and the Lake District are probably too far for the Hobbit crew to go, so let's find somewhere nice and close to Watford. Muswell Hill?
Mirkwood
Otherwise known as the Forest of Great Fear, Mirkwood is a giant, dark, shadowy expanse of dense woodlands filled with menacingly angular trees and inhabited by giant malevolent spiders.
Suggested location: Joey's Wood, near where I grew up in Kent. It's identical, except there's a BMX track and an abandoned swimming pool there and, if I remember correctly, all the giant spiders have been replaced with discarded carrier bags full of abandoned porno magazines.
The Shire
Suggested location: Luton town centre.
But where would you shoot The Hobbit? Suggestions below, please.
