We are about to enter a wasteland. Already notoriously sparse at this time of year, the television schedules are days away from being utterly obliterated by sport. First, all the shows you love will be sidelined by Euro 2016 and then, a few weeks later, the Olympics will barge in and destroy everything all over again.
But every cloud has a silver lining. With terrestrial television ruined this summer, now is the perfect opportunity to delve deep. This is the time for you to find out what all those weird-sounding shows on digital channels – the ones you have never quite got round to watching – are really like. The choice is endless, and you’re right to be intimidated, but luckily I am here with some recommendations.
Silicon Valley (Sky Atlantic, Thursdays, 10:10pm)
Barely promoted, Mike Judge’s tech-based sitcom remains a thing of wonder that not enough people are watching. The entire sweep of this series involves some people making an app, and yet Silicon Valley is some of the most inventive comedy around. Often lumped in – in America, at least – with Veep, the new series of Silicon Valley is by far the sharper satire. And there is always at least one beautifully elaborate dick joke every year. How could you possibly miss it?
Bob’s Burgers (Comedy Central, various times)
You should already be watching Bob’s Burgers. With the Simpsons in unmanageable decline and Seth Macfarlane’s cluster of shows dead in the water, this might just be the best animated comedy in the world. It’s more King of the Hill than Family Guy, and the cast – led by H Jon Benjamin – is a murderers’ row of talent. Seek this out immediately.
Outcast (Fox, Tuesday, 10pm)
Created by The Walking Dead’s Robert Kirkman, this is a supernatural drama about demonic possession. It’s brand new, so there’s no telling how great it will be. But it’s worth watching, partly because Philip Glenister is in it, and partly because it actually seems like people spent money to make it. For a show airing in the dog days of summer, this is rare enough to warrant your attention.
Sister Wives (TLC, Sundays, 7pm)
A reality show about a polygamist with four wives and 18 kids. Not as sensational as it sounds, Sister Wives is a relatively clear-eyed look at the intricacies of maintaining such a complex web of relationships. It’s also a lesson, though, that if you are ever dumb enough to end up with four wives and 18 kids, you will probably have to start making a cruddy reality show to fund them all.
Mystery Diners (Food Network, various times)
Imagine Undercover Boss, the show where employers sneak around spying on their staff. Now, imagine that all the undercover bosses in Undercover Boss work in restaurants, and that they are all so convinced that their employees are dangerously unhygienic that they set up hidden cameras to catch them in the act. That’s Mystery Diners, and it’s easily the best show on television about how chefs definitely spit in your food.
Ninja Warrior (Challenge, Sky 1, Sky 2, a lot)
Sure, there is a British version now, but that’s a knock-kneed Total Wipeout rip-off compared with the much harder Japanese original. It’s less an entertainment show and more a succession of unedited footage where people try not to get murdered by scaffolding. Best of all, it’s on all the time.
Karma’s a Bitch (CI, various times)
What’s that? You wish someone would make a 999-style docudrama about terrible acts of revenge performed by spurned lovers, at least one of whom was a dentist. You wish it was hosted by Bobby Baccalieri from The Sopranos? You wish it had the word “bitch” in the title, even though it’s a daytime TV show that runs at the same time as Homes Under the Hammer? Oh boy, are you in luck.
Blinging Up Baby: The Blinger, The Better (5STAR, Wednesday, 9pm)
You’re not watching the football, and everyone is only talking about the football, so you probably feel like a bit of a pariah. Thank God, then, for the ridiculously named Blinging Up Baby: The Blinger, The Better. It’s a documentary about people who spray-tan their infants. See? You’re not the worst person in the world after all.
