SPOILER ALERT: This blog is for people watching Downton Abbey series six. Don’t read on if you haven’t seen series six, episode three.
If in doubt, chuck everything in Mrs Patmore’s mixing bowl and give it a good stir. Poach the peaches in brandy and hide the convict in the potting shed! Sack the editor! Bring in the fancyman! Make Anna pregnant! Bring Branson back from America! Surely this paves the way for a Branson-Lady Mary romance, which we will have to pretend isn’t weird. (Seeing as he is her dead sister’s widower.)
This was a relatively pleasing outing, though, if slightly disjointed and uneventful. I’m sorry, but I do class Branson’s return as uneventful. Because we never really understood why he went away in the first place. And we’re not that bothered about him returning. Now, Cousin Matthew or Mr Pamuk returning … Well, that really would be something. Or The Editor! Or Melty-Faced Patrick! Or even the uppity schoolteacher whom Branson had a bit of thing for once!
But I’m getting carried away. Unlike anyone surrounding the wedding of Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes. This was the most underwhelming event in the history of Downton, which felt wrong after the drama and fizz of episode one, where we had those wonderfully excruciating scenes about the bedroom end of things. Suddenly all that is forgotten?
There was one highlight. “It’s about Charles Carson and Elsie Hughes. And not this glorious house.” “Do you know where you will stage this … festivity?” Finally a decent moment of realism and drama when Lady Mary had to stop talking when Carson came back in the room. We very rarely see the family pull themselves up in front of the servants. In real life, surely this would have happened all the time? Why don’t we see this more often?
The exceptionally tedious hospital business came to a sort of a head with Cousin Violet accusing Cousin Isobel of being a closet alcoholic. “Did you drink at lunch?” “You know perfectly well I didn’t as you were with me.” “Not all the time.” But, really. If something interesting doesn’t happen soon we will all require hospital attention. Isn’t it time for Dr Clarkson and the Other Aristocratic One with the Horrible Sons to fight it out over Cousin Isobel (again)?
Random subplot alert
I love Mr Spratt’s stamp collection. I loved the suffragette-y secretary at Edith’s “magazine”. (When did it stop being a newspaper?) But even more I loved the performance of Ronald Pickup (last seen in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel as a fabulous geriatric roué) as the demented lord in his deserted stately home talking about the ladies retiring to bed in their twinkling diamonds. These scenes had real atmosphere and warmth. “When the good times return and they all come back, we must be ready.”
I am beginning to wonder whether Thomas’s Doomed Job Interviews should be its own spin-off series, though. How many more of these are we going to have to sit through before he faces a real dilemma?
Surprise character development
Oh for goodness sake … The business of the hideous embroidered fur coat … Well, at least we got to see some acting from Cora (Elizabeth McGovern) for once. Cora hasn’t had much to do since she slipped on the soap four years ago. Cora’s climbdown was actually a very moving scene. I did feel sorry for poor, long-suffering Baxter, though, having to rework that horrible bloody coat into the middle of the night.
Favourite development? Edith and Coffee-Making Man in a Tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G! I love this. He seems kind. And he is good at making coffee and sandwiches. Come on, Edith! Double wedding prediction: Edith and Coffee-Making Man and Mary and Branson. Mrs Drewe will try and stop the wedding at the 11th hour by revealing Marigold’s true identity. And Mrs Patmore will have to pelt her with peaches in brandy to make her go away. You read it here first.
Golden eyebrow of the week award
“Lord knows the problem isn’t Bates!” M’lady! Really! Anna rarely draws close to the eyebrow award as she’s usually either controlled or downcast. But in this episode Lady Mary’s wanton insinuation almost caused her to wrinkle her brow momentarily. Similarly Mrs Hughes is also very good at composure. But even she was ruffled by the idea that someone in the family might have actually done something useful for once. “Lady Mary has a surprise for you.” “A surprise? For me?”
But the prize this week goes to King Eyebrow, Mr Carson, the most oft-cited household member in this section. He wins for two moments. First, the expression on his face when he was told to summon Mrs Hughes to the drawing room to talk to Cora. And second, the “sucking a lemon” face he pulled when Mrs Hughes mentioned the idea of a “hoolie” at the wedding. Too right, Carson. No one really likes a ceilidh, do they?
Sorry, could you just repeat that awkward line of dialogue
“It’s a long time I’ve been on the brink of anything. Except possibly the grave.” Poor Elsie is not looking forward to her wedding night.
“I believe that education is the gate to any future worth having.” “Have you missed your vocation?” “I’ve missed everything. But Daisy doesn’t have to.” Poor Molesley. We like him as he is, hangdog and quietly disgruntled. He doesn’t need a big back story of missed educational opportunities. And yet it looks like he’s going to get one.
“A peer in favour of reform is like a turkey in favour of Christmas.” Not vintage Cousin Violet. But not bad.
“I know several couples who are perfectly happy. Haven’t spoken in years.” Vintage Cousin Violet.
“M’lady. Mr Carson would forgive you if you attacked him with a brick.” This is possibly my favourite line of the entire sixth series. If only there was more brick-attacking generally in this programme.
Next week …
Mrs Patmore and Daisy fall out. Cousin Violet finally loses it over Cousin Isobel. And suspicion re-enters the lives of Anna and Mr Bates.
