It was the hottest ticket in town last night: the Towers of London at the 100 Club. No, really it was. On a gruesome Wednesday evening in January, there was absolutely nothing else on offer. And on the telly? Only more Celeb Big Brother, with Leo Sayer and wosshisname from Steps and her out of S Club and the Jackson brother who isn't Michael or Randy. But the berk who wasn't Justin Hawkins (once rumoured to be a CBB contestant) and who walked from the show after dropping his ash in the hot tub, pissing in the shower and moving someone else's yoghurt pot from its shelf in the fridge was live and on stage. Donny Tourette: has there ever been a worse rock star?
This hastily-arranged show at the fabled (for which read: unutterably manky) venue was billed as Tourette's 'freedom gig'. So there was a clamour of photographers, plenty of room to swing a cat at the back, and two dozen blokey and older than they might have been fans at the front, beerily working themselves up into a pitch of excitement. Plus Peaches Geldof. It was hard to imagine it could get any worse. Then the band took the stage.
Really, if there's anything offensive about Towers of London it lies in their ineptitude. Good thing they've not been on Stars in their Eyes, where they'd get the wooden spoon for their laughable impersonation of Motley Crue. And at no point in the gig did Tourette mention Big Brother. Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?
Worst of all for me was the fact that this was actually the second time I'd seen them , having caught them semi by accident at South by Southwest in Texas last year. This was the second time I walked out on them too. Back in the entrance, a kid had passed out on the floor, a chunky pile of vomit beside him.
Note to self: don't ever bother going out in January. And bring back wosshisname from the Ordinary Boys. All is forgiven.
