America’s best doctors have just examined Donald Trump‘s brain and, after huddling together and whispering frantically for a moment, have returned with fixed grins and confirmation that, in an astonishing twist, Trump’s brain is as finely tuned as a Formula One car!
Wow, I mean, all available evidence would suggest otherwise, but I guess you can’t argue with doctors who’d have their lives, careers, and families destroyed if they deemed the president mentally incompetent!
But Trump was proudly beaming about acing his “risky” cognitive exam, explaining that doctors were astounded by his well-oiled steel trap of a brain:
Trump: "I did a cognitive exam. Which is very risky. But the doctor said he's never seen a perfect score. Did Obama do it? No”
— Spencer Hakimian (@SpencerHakimian) October 9, 2025
pic.twitter.com/7UOJIYZ9kH
“I also did a cognitive exam, which is also very risky! Because if I didn’t do well, you’d be the first to be blaring it and I had a perfect score. And one of the doctors said he’d almost never seen a perfect score. And I had a perfect score. Uh, I had the highest score. And uh.. that made me feel good.”
Trump went on to underline that these cognitive exams are “not the easiest test”, explaining that “it gets trickier”, as well as hinting he thinks his presidential predecessors would have fallen short.
Doctors have diagnosed him as a “very special boy”
We can decide this for ourselves. Trump has confirmed he’s taken the Montreal Cognitive Assessment. As per Trump, the “easy” part of this test asks subjects to draw lines from letters to numbers (i.e. from A to 1), draw a cube, and draw a clock.
Ah, but what about the later “trickier” questions? In this part, the subject’s ability for abstraction is tested with a question like: “I will give you two words and I would like you to tell me to what category they belong to: an orange and a banana.” The correct answer would be “fruit”. Wow, check out the big brain on Donald!
It’s worth emphasizing that the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (and other similar cognitive tests) are designed to ensure the subject is functioning at or around baseline human cognition. “Acing” this test isn’t something to be proud of: it’s simply confirmation that your brain is ticking over normally.
And anyway, as we hinted at earlier, any doctor brave enough to give Trump a “fail” on this test and thus potentially disqualify him from the presidency would become public enemy number one for Trump himself, his administration, and the entire MAGA movement.
If this suicidal doctor were to begin to explain to Trump his brain don’t work good, seconds later you’d hear a squeal of tyres outside, then a group of tubby masked men would bumble in, and the unfortunate doctor would soon be on a jet bound for El Salvador.
