1 Don’t let your insecurities hold you back
When I first met Guy, we chatted until we were the only ones left in the bar. But I was too insecure to believe this cool, confident and charismatic man could fancy me. I wasn’t going to put myself out there first. Fortunately, I kept bumping into him (mostly because I kept hanging out with our mutual friend and scanning every room for him). Now, I know it’s worth taking control and making the first move.
2 You don’t have to try that hard to impress them
To this day, Guy has no idea how hard I worked to impress him. I wore every bodycon dress I owned around him. I kept my hair in a very specific bun which I thought most flattered my cheekbones. When he invited me to hang out after the Holi festival, I sprinted to my room to apply eyeliner on top of my paint-splattered face. I would try to look more popular than I was by waving at anyone I vaguely knew. Over the years, I’ve relaxed and I feel more confident being myself. Because if that person is worth having, they’ll want you for who you are.
3 It helps to share similar ideas about money
I gave up trying to be sexy and mysterious and shared everything with Guy, including my farts. I stopped hiding those after the time he squeezed me and I made an audible trump – we both laughed at this, a lot. But we didn’t share the same ideas about money. I used to beg Guy to turn his electric heater to the highest setting in his cold student room. I tried to drag him to overpriced restaurants (far too frivolous, apparently, on our student budgets) once my stomach was rumbling. My reflex was always to throw money at a problem. In those days my bank didn’t help me budget, but now, if you’re a NatWest customer like me, the NatWest App* and its handy Spending Tracker** can help you see where your hard earned cash goes each month, meaning that I feel in control of what I can and can’t afford.
4 Living in the moment has its limits
During exams, we would dash to the students’ union shop for giant slabs of chocolate, cans of Coke and crisps to sustain us while studying until 3am. We could have batch-cooked nourishing meals and eaten out of Tupperware like grownups instead of making a giant junk food-shaped dent in our overdrafts, but who has that sort of sensible foresight at uni? Not me.
5 As you grow up, your needs change
After uni, what Guy and I wanted from a relationship changed and we slowly spent less time with each other. We never moved in together. He kept calling me naive, and a people pleaser. I kept rolling my eyes and shaking my head at him. We were both secretly scared of the prospect of being together forever, but we never discussed this at the time. Now I face my future head-on and think about the kind of life I want to create for myself: with a little help from the NatWest Spending Tracker and Savings Goal*** I’m hoping to save enough for a deposit on a flat one day.
6 You can be the architect of your own future
It’s been a couple of years since we broke up; our feelings faded but we’re still friends. Together we grew into semi-adults. I’m better at forward planning now – I own Tupperware, I know where my money goes, I save up for things. I’m seeing someone else. We have similar philosophies. We talk endlessly. If I’m a people pleaser, he’s a people pleaser. Our disagreements always become a conversation with a clear resolution.
7 Your confidence grows
Guy helped me gain confidence. Since dating him, I’ve come a long way from the slightly reckless student who was desperate to impress, desperate to spend all her money in too-expensive restaurants, and who wouldn’t dare make the first move. I’ve learned that taking control of little things today can make for a better tomorrow. I have the confidence to play at adulting less, and do actual adulting more.
For more information on how to take control of your finances visit NatWest
*NatWest app available to customers aged 11+ with compatible iOS and Android devices and a UK or international mobile number in specific countries.
**You must be aged 16+ to view Spending in the NatWest app. Spending feature only available for Personal and Premier accounts.
***NatWest Savings Goal Tool available within mobile or online banking. Only available with Instant Access Savings accounts.
