And we’re off. Despite the strange scheduling of these two outings (one way too late and one way too early – how on Earth is one supposed to time one’s snacks?), this was quality Strictly fare for week one of the “live” shows. Let’s not think too much about how that was filmed. A 9pm live start? I doubt it somehow.
My main observation from this weekend is that Melvin Odoom’s mum has a fantastic kitchen. But there were other delights too. The wow that was Danny Mac was extraordinary. The long jumper does exceedingly long jumps (whether up, down or sideways) and delivered a very passable jive indeed. And Judge Rinder’s wonderful end-of-the-pier facial expressions which made Karen Hardy look like the Mona Lisa ... unforgettable.
But here at Strictly Judgewatch, it’s not just about the contestants. We will be evaluating each weekend’s shows from the point of view of the judges – as well as, naturally, judging the judges themselves.
Forget Brexit. The UK is sharply divided into two types of people: those who think the judges should do more dancing, and those who think they should do less (or ideally NO DANCING). For those in the first camp, this was a bumper week as we were treated to Len looking as if all his walnuts had been pickled at once as he melted into Natalie Lowe’s arms in a waltz to What the World Needs Now. Overall, the proliferation of dancing judges is, I think, a very bad thing. But who was in a good mood this week? And who was itching to go rogue and break away from their allocated alliterative script?
Darcey: woman of a thousand hairstyles
Darcey was her trademark affable, unflappable but slightly Stepford self, receiving the usual messages from the producers to “be encouraging and kind” via her Star Trek earrings. To Melvin: “You are a natural cheeky chappie.” When he learns a bit more, she added, “you’ll love it – and we’ll love it even more.” This is like something out of a toothpaste advert. Darcey is at her best when she’s allowed to “feel” the dancing in her body and she does love a bit of that, especially when she can do some shoulder-demonstration. On Daisy Lowe: “Shivers down my spine.” And she actually shivered, in an imperceptible ballet dancer kind of way. Classic passive-aggressive Darcey this week? To Ed Balls: “There were glimmers of a nice, elegant gentleman ...” Could this be the faintest praise ever granted?
Bruno: the Jack-in-the-Box
Whereas Darcey is virtually rooted to her seat for her shoulder demonstrations, Bruno has clearly been issued with a producer’s directive to “stand up and be crazy and Italian as often as possible.” Len and he played out the pantomime of “Oi, you’re going to knock me off me seat, you mad foreigner” about five times this weekend, and usually they save that routine until at least the semi-finals. Of all the judges, Bruno and Craig are the only two who ever go rogue and Bruno really struggles with this as his official brief is already to go rogue. I predict he will have had a dressing-down for being lascivious towards Claudia Fragapane’s partner, he of the many under-age jokes to come.
Len: the diamond geezer on a farewell tour
Len, sporting a tan that said “I can’t wait to spend more time on the golf course”, looks like he’s had enough in this, his final series. I enjoyed his warning shot to Claudia: “If you’re not careful, you’ll end up gymnastifying everything.” And he got unexpectedly grumpy with Danny Mac about his “stagey” dancing. (Is this code for “stage school training”?) “Don’t get on my wick early on,” he snarled. It would be great to see Len say what he really thinks. It will never happen.
Craig: the great choreographer trapped inside a pantomime dame
Craig appeared calm and only occasionally showed irritation with the role he’s been shoe-horned into. So many times he is the only voice of reason on this show that it seems ridiculous that he should be booed and hissed for simply saying what he (and the rest of us) can see. As far as I can work out, he is the only judge who still works as a choreographer and director of professional dancers on a regular basis: simply put, he knows how to get better performances out of people. Of course there are moments when he plays to type and is happy to be the diva. On Brendan Cole and Anastacia: “Absolute filth bordering on indecency ... which I loved.”
This week’s verdict
Anyone partnered by Kevin or Karen is in with a shout. They are clear audience favourites too. Danny Mac has to be a contender, but he needs to stay within Len’s rules. And Ed Balls needs to either improve or get a sense of humour fast.
