Jamie Laing has been criticised online for an insensitive Christmas post that sets “unrealistic expectations” for new mothers after the former Made in Chelsea star said his “superwoman” wife, Sophie Habboo, had created “a magical Christmas” just three weeks after giving birth.
In an Instagram video set to Kelly Clarkson’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, Laing’s podcaster wife, Habboo, 31, who gave birth to the couple’s son, Ziggy, earlier this month, is seen doing a little jig beside their perfectly decorated festive table and looking proud at what she’s pulled off.
While most of us at three weeks postpartum might feel like death warmed up – I was hobbling around after a C-section, looking bedraggled in maternity leggings and slumped on a sofa – Habboo, wearing a red wraparound jumper and silky black trousers, looks like a carefree glamorous hostess about to entertain a large lunch party.
There is a dramatic Christmas tree with massive red bows – and somebody preparing food in the background. Possibly a chef? Laing, 37, captioned the post “POV: your wife is 3 weeks postpartum and still creates a magical Christmas” followed by “She’s Superwoman”.
It has caused an uproar, with usually adoring fans criticising the perfect motherhood scene as “not normal” and a “typical IG moment” that shows only the best parts of motherhood and therefore heaps “pressure” on new mums. “To me, this is sadly only about people pleasing and not prioritising healing and true connections,” one follower commented. Meanwhile, others said, “let’s not normalise postpartum women being ‘superwoman’, it’s not normal” and “not everyone has the money, resources and support to be able to do this”.
Yes, Laing and Habboo most likely had outside help from caterers or other paid professionals possibly including tablescapers, cleaners, gardeners – and a hired nanny – which many resentful and disgruntled followers online have been quick to point out. But let’s take a minute to understand the real reason for all the hate out there.
Of course, an IG moment like this is a trigger for the dreaded “compare and despair” and “mum shame”. It appears to be performative parenting at its very worst, but that’s not the fault of Laing and Habboo, that’s the fault of the internet and the atmosphere it has cultivated.
Hating on all the mums showcasing their perfect Christmas is just as bad as the judgement they’re supposedly sending out to other mums who feel they are not living up to their unrealistic standards. Mums can’t win. They’re either “showing off” their perfect brood, or seen as “cashing in” on how hard it all is.
Mum hating – whatever the flavour – is out of control, with new mums, old mums, celebrity mums and Josephine-public mums being judged online like never before. We are criticised for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing struggles with body image to breastfeeding. Women are accused of pushing an “unrealistic” bounce-back narrative or not bouncing back as quick as they should. And how mums do Christmas – whether with a newborn, toddler or teenagers – has become this year’s seasonal hotbed of harsh judgment.
Social media creates this atmosphere where mums are perpetually failing even if they look like they’re winning. And yes, while many of us might take one look at Habboo’s expressions of Christmas wonder and want to give up, we also know that it’s a fantasy that doesn’t exist.
I’ve also been guilty of posting perfect Instagram posts of my kids looking like they’ve come straight out of a Mini Boden advert. Personally, at three weeks postpartum, I didn’t know what day of the week it was. Admittedly, it wasn’t Christmas, but Easter, when I had Liberty, now seven, so the pressure to sort a magical Easter egg hunt and deck the house out in bunny themes wasn’t as intense. But if it makes any new mums out there feel better, seven years on, I didn’t get around to putting up a Christmas tree this year as we all got superflu.
But do I hate Habboo for presenting her “superwoman” image? Not really, because I think the real question is, why do we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world in the first place?
Mum hating is out of control, with mums being judged online like never before, for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing their struggles, and body image
In my case, there has been an element of believing it’s important to present a perfect front, which stems from my upbringing, because I was conditioned to believe that how we look, even how thin we are, equalled self-worth. Luckily, I have worked through that with the help of a therapist instead of an Instagram account.
Other mothers take pride in their performance as parents and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence. For celebrities like Laing and Habboo, it’s about growing their brand.
Mums like Habboo, who are accused of presenting a perfect image of motherhood, aren’t obliged to fix the rest of our insecurities and ensure that all mums feel good about themselves. They are investing in their career by professionalising motherhood – and it should be seen for what it is.
Laing and Habboo are documenting their new parenthood journey through their rebranded podcast, NearlyParents, and are set to document their “no-holds-barred whirlwind journey” to parenthood in an upcoming Disney+ series, Raising Chelsea. In essence, they’ve leveraged their reality TV background into new media ventures which will guarantee them an income for a good while to come I am sure.
The pressure for new mums to be perfect, with filtered and curated shots, is enormous. And as we have seen with the Trad Wife trend, there is years of this pressure to come. Ironic when you consider how, in real life, society undervalues the role of the mother and there is general disdain for stay-at-home mothers.
No wonder women are confused about what to do and how to behave. This lack of support for new parents leads them to online forums, which, while they can be supportive, can also be a vipers’ nest of mean, unfiltered comments from people who get a kick out of judging others’ choices, too.
So what if Habboo had a great Christmas – and has more support at her fingertips? I have no doubt that there will be a time when she feels overwhelmed and will question herself as a new parent, as other mums do. Ziggy will need his nappy changed and demand feeding. She will feel the pull of work versus motherhood.
The big change needs to happen on the internet – to stop judging others and live and let live. Every new mum struggles in their own way – and mum-hating is worse than anything they might seem to be doing on-line to offend you.
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