With all the fellow-world-leader-hand-holding of late, and that time he allegedly asked “Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?” you might think Donald Trump had run out of ways to demonstrate his disregard for accepted parameters of social behaviour. Then it emerged that the president (whose personal worth exceeds $3bn) failed to buy his wife, Melania, a birthday present, stating: “I got her a beautiful card and beautiful flowers. You know, I’m very busy to be running out looking for presents, OK?”
Yet, in a world of endless landfills and Marie Kondo, and children’s birthday party invitations stating “no presents”, perhaps the rules for modern gift-giving have changed. Etiquette expert Renée Kuo, the associate director of Debrett’s, gives us an official guide.
Gifts for newborns
“For new babies, a small present will be welcome, but there is no need to overdo it. If you wish to be very generous, the baby’s first Christmas may be a better time, when the baby is no longer being overwhelmed by soft toys.”
School-age children
“The present should be appropriate to the depth of your acquaintance. If possible, do some research on the child’s favourite type of book to avoid making a basic error – a science-fiction book to a child who prefers poetry is not an ideal gift. Spending lavishly on a present for an unrelated child may cause awkwardness with the child’s parents. Remember that present-giving is not a competition; there is no need to go over the top. Anything that’s specifically stated on an invitation (eg: ‘no presents’) should be adhered to.”
When does it end?
“Godparents, aunts and uncles can usually expect to stop giving regular presents after the age of 18 or 21 – and thereafter only for milestone birthdays or events such as a marriage.”
Presents for your spouse
“A thoughtful present should be appreciated regardless of cost. The time you have taken to select it will be apparent in your choice. Forgetting a birthday happens to the best of us and honesty is always the best policy. But ‘too busy’ is not an excuse for a loved one. Neither is ‘it slipped my mind’.”
