Dollops of innuendo! Julian Clary and Paul O'Grady's great big camp Christmas quiz

Julian Clary and Paul O’Grady starring in the panto Goldilocks and the Three Bears at the London Palladium. Photograph: Linda Nylind/The Guardian

1. Renée Zellweger is tipped for Oscars glory after playing camp icon Judy Garland in Judy. Which of the following camp quotes did Judy Garland not say?

   1. “I loathe hydrangeas!”

   2. “How strange when an illusion dies. It’s as though you’ve lost a child.”

   3. “I was born at the age of 12 on an MGM lot.”

   4. “I’ve never looked through a keyhole without finding someone was looking back.”

2. 

   Nigella’s annual Christmas special is one of the most anticipated events on the festive television schedule. In her 2017 special, the gorgeous gourmet goddess conjured a festive martini that contained a rather dazzling final ingredient. What was it?

   1. A dripping dollop of innuendo

   2. A punchy, assertive shot of pretension

   3. A delectable drizzle of loquaciousness

   4. A soupcon of camp

3. 

   This year saw the launch of the UK version of the hit US drag reality show RuPaul’s Drag Race. A song from the show stormed the UK charts, overtaking two people called Ariana Grande and Selena Gomez. What was the song called?

   1. Break Up (Bye Bye)

   2. Break Things Off With (A Straight Guy)

   3. Break Into (A Third Bottle of Baileys)

   4. Broken Glasses (Ouch, My Eye)

4. What was exhaustingly camp star Cher doing in October when she asked: “What’s your granny doing tonight?”

   1. Having a glass of wine and scrolling through Twitter at 2am

   2. Performing at the 02 Arena in London

   3. Chatting to Amanda Seyfried on the set of Mamma Mia 2

   4. Riding a camel across the dunes of the Namib desert

5. At this year’s Glastonbury, Kylie Minogue dazzled festival-goers with a glitter-festooned, joyous performance of her biggest hits. But which one of her songs was once dubbed “too gay and camp” for a UK release?

   1. Your Disco Needs You

   2. Better the Devil You Know

   3. Can’t Get You Out of My Head

   4. Timebomb

6. 

   A brilliantly camp and relatively new addition to mainstream music is Lizzo. With what fashion item did she steal the show at this year’s American Music awards?

   1. A glass slipper

   2. A fascinator hewn from the tusk of a narwhal

   3. A stuffed hummingbird as a bracelet

   4. A Valentino handbag roughly the size of a box of matches

7. One of the campest moments of this year was the Anna Delvey scandal – a con artist who scammed her way into New York high society. Her story is being adapted by Netflix as we speak. Who is set to be the showrunner?

   1. Aaron Sorkin

   2. Shonda Rhimes

   3. Tina Fey

   4. Jesse Armstrong

8. 

   A cinematic adaptation of the musical Cats has hit our screens this Christmas. What rather camp fashion statement is Judi Dench’s character seen flaunting in the trailer?

   1. Earrings made of biscuits shaped like fish

   2. A stole made from dead mice

   3. A fur coat made of her own fur

   4. A belt festooned with jingly cat toys

9. Over Pride season, Taylor Swift released a self-consciously camp music video for her single You Need to Calm Down. It featured a cameo from which camp pop culture legend?

   1. Tina Turner

   2. RuPaul

   3. Lady Gaga

   4. Madonna

10. 

    Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You is perhaps the most popular Christmas song ever. What brand has she rather perplexingly collaborated with over the 2019 festive season?

    1. Walkers

    2. Stannah Stairlifts

    3. KY Jelly

    4. Carpetright

11. Soapy comedy Last Christmas has stormed the box office this year. It is, rather camply, based on the music of George Michael. But which well-known Michelle plays the character of Santa?

    1. Michelle Pfeiffer

    2. Michelle Williams

    3. Michelle Yeoh

    4. Michelle McManus

12. 

    The former X Factor star and fabulous television personality Rylan Clark-Neal has enjoyed a glorious renaissance this year with his revival of Supermarket Sweep. What was his rather camp reaction when he discovered he had made it to the X Factor live shows?

    1. Pulling off his necklace, causing pearls to skitter everywhere

    2. Collapsing in hysterical tears

    3. Knocking back an entire martini

    4. Hurling a trifle at the wall

13. Gloriously camp Queer Eye star Jonathan Van Ness smashed stigmas by revealing that he is living with HIV. What is the name of the already stonkingly successful book he released this year?

    1. Over the Top

    2. Under the Top

    3. What Happened to All the Tops?

    4. Can I Borrow Your Top?

14. 

    Pose, the drama documenting the New York ballroom scene, completed its second season this year. It features a guest star turn from which distractingly camp Broadway legend?

    1. Bernadette Peters

    2. Patti LuPone

    3. Liza Minnelli

    4. Audra McDonald

15. Perhaps the campest social media event of this year was Coleen Rooney’s evisceration of Rebekah Vardy. There was one line in particular that triggered a string of memes, tweets and even a T-shirt. What was it?

    1. “Rebekah Vardy, analyse this!”

    2. “That’s why Rebekah’s hair is so big … it’s full of secrets.”

    3. "Rebekah Vardy doesn't even go here."

    4. “It’s … Rebekah Vardy’s account.”

16. 

    The theme for this year’s Met Ball was “camp” – but which camp music star showed up dressed as a giant chandelier?

    1. Lady Gaga

    2. Katy Perry

    3. Cher

    4. Beyoncé

17. And who attended while carrying their own severed head under their arm?

    1. Tilda Swinton

    2. Kathy Griffin

    3. Jared Leto

    4. Jamie Lee Curtis

18. 

    Megastar Céline Dion, despite being arguably the queen of all things camp, apparently thought the Met Gala’s theme was “camping”. This year, she released her first English language album in six years. What was it called?

    1. Courage

    2. Sex

    3. Dependency

    4. Blackout

19. Anna Wintour is a camp icon in the world of fashion, with her trademark bob and sunglasses. This year, she launched a masterclass for budding bosses. How much did the course cost?

    1. $90

    2. $900

    3. $9,000

    4. $9

20. 

    Arguably one of this year’s campest TV moments was Bruno Tonioli’s performance of Can’t Take My Eyes Off You on Strictly Come Dancing. This season also featured a superbly camp performance of Madonna’s Vogue by which of the contestants?

    1. Emma Barton

    2. Kelvin Fletcher

    3. Michelle Visage

    4. Karim Zeroual

Solutions

1:A, 2:D, 3:A, 4:B, 5:A, 6:D, 7:B, 8:C, 9:B, 10:A, 11:C, 12:B, 13:A, 14:B, 15:D, 16:B, 17:C, 18:A, 19:A, 20:C

Scores

1. 20 and above.

   You are glitteringly, exhaustingly, festively camp! You are Mariah Carey charging forth on a unicorn-driven sleigh, while Nigella and Cher luxuriate in the back, sipping Christmas martinis.

2. 16 and above.

   You are very knowledgeable on both Christmas and camp. Well done you! Both skills that will surely come in very handy in the current sociopolitical milieu.

3. 11 and above.

   You are middling levels of camp; the same level of camp as, say, Rachel Weisz.

4. 0 and above.

   You are not camp and neither are your Christmases. The M1 underpass has more festive cheer than you.

5. 5 and above.

   Could be worse. You at least know that when putting garlands or tinsel on the tree, DRAPING is essential.

Julian Clary and Paul O’Grady can be seen in Goldilocks and the Three Bears at the London Palladium until 12 January.