Poundland has faced criticism after it marketed a Valentine’s Day “gift of nothing” – literally nothing, enclosed in unnecessary plastic packaging. But it’s far from the worst thing you could give your beloved, as some Guardian readers know very well.
Chocolate Santas
Mark O’Neill remembers being 19 and, after he turned up at his girlfriend’s house with some flowers, she briefly disappeared, then produced some chocolate Santas – one of which appeared to have already been nibbled. “It was a classic teenage ‘relationship’ where I was too busy being a moody punk, and neither of us had the vaguest idea of what dating really meant.”
Dog treats
Seville-based artist Dionne Williams recalls the time her partner bought her a dog bowl, a dog toy and a pack of dog treats. The hitch? The couple did not have a dog. They had previously discussed getting a rescue dog, however, so perhaps it was just meant as a forgivable reminder. “Unless I’m the dog,” she says. “And he was trying to be funny … I didn’t laugh.”
A wok
Reader Charlotte was 18 when she received her worst romantic gift – a mini wok, potentially the most bizarre and useless kitchen item. “I burned it so catastrophically on its first outing that I had to bin it,” she remembers. “For years, it has won every ‘worst romantic gift’ competition I have had with friends. Everyone is horrified.”
An engraved collar
One reader, who understandably wishes to remain anonymous, once received a cat collar “designed for a human”, with her name embossed on the little metal disc. “He expected me to wear it in public. No, we weren’t in that kind of relationship (although I am cool with that, but we weren’t). I think he just wanted to feel like he owned me.” It was, she says, “the only present he ever got me”.
McEnroe v Borg
A year into a relationship, Annie Saxberg once received a book about tennis, despite having no interest in the sport. “It was on McEnroe v Borg. He said it was ‘symbolic of the way our relationship should be’. I don’t think he quite understood tennis. Or metaphors.” The relationship ended soon afterwards.
A potato
Chocolates are nice, but obvious. A potato with a cocktail stick is unique. Yes, one reader, Mel, once got exactly this gift. To add insult to injury, she was the one who had bought the potato a few days earlier. It came with a poem: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought you a potato, a cocktail stick, too.” Mel nevertheless loved it – she loathes Valentine’s Day.
What is the worst Valentine’s Day gift you have ever received? Let us know in the comments below
— Mel (@Grumblegor) January 22, 2019
