I am 17, my boyfriend is 16 and we have been together for a year. We have been having regular sex for six months and he has never orgasmed or ejaculated during sex. He told me recently that he masturbates prone (lying face down and rubbing himself against his bed) and has done so since he was about eight. I think this is the cause of his problems. How should I broach the subject of him abstaining from masturbation and maybe changing his technique?
It is not uncommon for a person to develop a masturbation style that does not easily segue to satisfactory intercourse. Your partner’s style seems to fall into this category, although it is difficult to say whether this is due to the change in position or because he is accustomed to a higher degree of friction. If his challenge is due to the former reason, ask him to experiment with different positions. Do this with erotic playfulness, rather than as a chore to correct a problem. But if he needs more friction, it is important for you to know that. Try stimulating him manually with different degrees of intensity and ask him to guide you regarding what feels best.
If strong manual stimulation is insufficient, consider a medical evaluation, since penile nerve endings may be playing a role. Some men who had become accustomed to rough friction – such as hard rubbing with a ribbed towel – have been able to alter their sensory patterns incrementally to respond to gentler contact. Work together on this in small stages and be patient: you are at the beginning of your adult sexual lives and need only focus on the giving and receiving of pleasure, rather than on intercourse and the need to ejaculate. The pressure to climax can make a man less likely to do so.
