Finally, Lost in Showbiz peers imperiously over its lorgnettes, adjusts its ear trumpet and admits it's still not entirely certain what Justin Bieber does – it watched his performance on The X Factor this week and was, frankly, none the wiser – but it gathers he's popular with the youngsters and confesses to being hugely impressed by his retinue. This, it was revealed this week, includes not only the usual coterie of managers, bodyguards, choreographers etc, but a man called Ryan, employed expressly to coach Bieber in how to impress girls. One would have thought this job consisted largely of telling the star to go up to girls and say, "Hello, I'm Justin Bieber", but given Bieber's televised reaction to being in the presence of Cheryl Cole – he gurned lasciviously, made desperate "give-me-a-call" gestures, repeatedly rode his Raleigh Grifter past her front garden no-handed – LiS worries that Ryan is about 13 and no more qualified to advise on the complex art of seduction than he is to operate the Large Hadron Collider.
