I have to be careful what I eat on dates because I’m the world’s messiest eater. My friend even banned me from borrowing her clothes because of how frequently I throw food on myself.
I was reminded of this on Thursday by a study looking at how people eat when they are dining out with someone to whom they are attracted. According to research from Aarhus University in Denmark women are more likely to eat low-calorie and healthy food while dining with someone they fancy. Conversely, a man will splash out on expensive food and drink to impress their date.
It’s an interesting result, and arguably one that shows sexist stereotypes still persist – with women feeling more pressure to eat a certain way to be seen as attractive. We decided to ask our readers, and one of our journalists, what they thought and whether they follow any rules when it comes to dining out.
Asher Baker, 28 from London: I don’t care how you hold cutlery, or even if you lick the plate
I just eat whatever I feel like having at the time. Sometimes I’ll only get a starter or dessert if the other person is. But other than that, it’s purely about personal preference. If I can’t afford some dishes I won’t order them, but that’s less of a rule and more about personal finances.
What I pick really depends on where I’m going, whether I’m sharing with someone, or what time of day it is. Mainstays are things like steak, souvlaki, burgers, slow cooked BBQ meats – stuff that can be eaten fairly easily. I don’t tend to do soup for fear of spilling it, and some people are weirded out by dipping bread (no idea why).
I don’t care how you hold cutlery, or if you use your fingers, or even if you lick the plate (admittedly I’ve never seen that on a date). If you make loud chewing noises or chew with your mouth open though, then that’s big no-no. I don’t care what my date eats. Be comfortable, eat what you like.
Carmen Fishwick, 34, from London: My date thought women didn’t eat potatoes because they are high carb
I do not have any rules about what I eat on a date. Although if getting physically close is a possibility and I’ve ordered something garlicky, I make sure they try it too – this way you can still get in some passionate kissing without anything to hold you back.
Ordering lots of food and indulging on a date adds to the experience; delicious food mixed with potential romance is extraordinarily pleasurable. The study made me so angry; I would hate a date to care about what I was eating. In fact, if the person I was with judged me or commented on what I ate I would take it as a marker of us not being compatible. The only judgment I would make is whether the person offered to share their dish.
When a date cooked for me for the first time, he apologised for making potatoes and hesitantly offered me some. I love potatoes, so this confused me. And then he explained that he thought women didn’t eat them because of the high-carbohydrate content. I was offended, and made sure he realised why – in a lighthearted way, of course.
Anna Gibson, 28, from London: I wouldn’t pick healthy food. No one likes a fussy eater
I wouldn’t usually go for dinner on a first date but if I did I would have Italian or French cuisine as that’s quite romantic. I avoid spaghetti or saucy foods in case they end up all over my face or clothes. I also avoid finger food, like burgers, as it can be messy. Instead I opt for food you can eat with a knife and fork.
Having said that, I wouldn’t pick healthy food particularly – no one likes a fussy eater. In the past I’ve suggested going for a curry as it’s quite a laid-back choice.
It would take a lot to put me off my date, but I wouldn’t be so keen on someone who ate messily. I’d be a bit turned off he was getting food all over his face. But it’s important to give people a chance and if they were nice then what or how they ate wouldn’t stop me considering a second date.
James, 29, from Toulon, France: Anyone who applies a date etiquette to choosing food is a complete mug
My rules for eating on a date are simple. I choose what I fancy eating and then eat it. Sharing is fine – if I have something very different to her then I’ll encourage it. If I can’t finish my meal I will also doggy-bag it.
I will pretty much eat anything, but I especially like spicy food and usually pick something with a bit of kick to it. For dessert I will go for something fruity and light. Eating out is a treat, so I order food that I wouldn’t habitually eat or cook at home.
The only thing that would put me off a date would be if she chewed loudly and with her mouth open. I don’t care what she chooses to have. If she wants lobster, fine. If she wants a big dirty greasy burger, fine. If she wants a salad, fine.
I personally believe that if anyone applies a date etiquette to choosing food then they’re a complete mug. I am in fact utterly intolerant to this form of intolerance.
Anonymous, 30, from Nottinghamshire: I don’t want to come across as greedy so I usually eat salad
I am the low-calorie salad eating girl described in the study. It’s mainly because I don’t want to come across as greedy. I want to show that I take or attempt to take care of myself. I won’t have anything too stodgy or carbohydrate heavy just in case I get bloated. I’m too nervous and shy and apprehensive about going on a date and so lose my appetite in any case. I worry that I’m not the typical image of a girl that I assume guys want. I’m not fat or overweight or ugly or boring – but I’m not a model either.
I don’t mind what my date eats, a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. However, the sound of cutlery touching teeth goes right through me. Noisy eaters are also off putting, and talking with your mouth full.
