Name: Michelle Lim
Age: 23
Dreams of: Being a social worker
Reflecting on my previous diaries, I feel the tone has been one of schism and cynicism. To be fair, unemployment and fears about career prospects are difficult experiences to convey in a positive manner, especially when I know I’m not the only one experiencing them. But if the last year has proven anything, it has shown me that despite the adversities that young people go through, we still come through the other end, scared but determined.
Despite the still high levels of unemployment for young people, feeling increasingly disenfranchised by mainstream society, and agitated by the insecurity of our futures, we still manage to keep our chins above water – some better than others. When I was thinking about what to write about for this last diary, I was struggling. What words of wisdom or meaningful message was I going to leave with you? Was I going to offer a message of hope or one of despair? Was I going to portray myself as someone barely above the surface or someone thriving in the murky turbulent waters? All I can say is that it’s too complicated to categorise myself as thriving or surviving.
Youth is supposed to be a rite of passage into finding where you fit in this world. Last year’s wave of activism brought on a sense of anxiety and confrontation that I didn’t have to deal with before. I’ve spent years in volunteering and activism, building my identity but suddenly everybody became an activist. Overwhelmed at the prospect of losing my place, where does that leave me?
Social media is flooded with endless messages of positivity and change that often tire me out. Every time I open Instagram, I see messages of staying strong and being resilient in the face of adversity. I don’t want to. Sometimes I feel like burying my head into my pillow and crying until the exhaustion envelops me.
I’ve found it difficult to adjust to this sudden wave of altruism. Working in an op-shop, I started seeing new faces in places where I hadn’t before. I smiled and welcomed them and asked them what attracted them to volunteer. They said they had some spare time and wanted to spend it helping society. This spare time was created by the lack of employment due to the pandemic. Were they just doing this because they had nothing better to do?
Watching the news every night has made me desensitised to this new surge of activism. This increasing number of young people battling injustice and giving back to society should make me hopeful, but instead it has made me more hostile and suspicious of everyone’s intentions. It’s so easy to jump on board the activism train. Share, repost, hashtag or even post a black square, it is that easy. It makes me deeply frustrated that the work and dedication that I put into a volunteer job can be easily performed without sincere intent. Every line on my resume is a representation of my passion and hard work that I put into my future employment. Now it feels like it’s an expectation rather than something impressive.
Now that people are starting to return to work and employment levels are creeping back up, the tidal wave of volunteers and good will is starting to subside. In one of my volunteer jobs, three people have already left even though they joined mid last year. They said with work picking back up, they didn’t have time to commit any more.
One day, I’ll eventually get a job too, but right now I’m still looking for some casual or part-time work. This probably means that I will have to give up my volunteering. I find that day sad to think about because volunteering feeds my heart and soul. But working full-time feeds my stomach. The irony is that over the last year I have never felt more productive and fulfilled in my years of unemployment. Maybe I’ll find a job that will be both fulfilling and pays enough, but at this point I’m not optimistic.
But while I am not optimistic about getting a job now, or a career that might fulfil and feed me, I have another kind of hope.
When I think of the last 12 months, I don’t think of the pandemic as it’s defining moment. I think of the young people trying to stay afloat and rising above the murky waters. It was defined by its anti-racism protests, climate change protests, action against injustices and inequalities, youth entrepreneurship, and an awakening of a youth consciousness that has been arousing for the last few years.
It might have felt like I had lost hope, that I feared being displaced, but now I think this is just the beginning of widening the space of activism for more people to participate and join in. People have said “despite” rather than “because of”. It is despite the obstacles we faced that young people have prevailed, not because of the obstacles. The pandemic and its fallout could define us, but as the great 90s girl group Destiny’s Child has said – I’m a survivor, I’m not going to give up.
• In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, Mental Health America is available on 800-273-8255
