I was wondering why the internet was running so slowly, and then I realised. When you think of it technically, the internet's a bit like an eight lane motorway, and if a couple of lanes are closed for maintenance anyway, and it's quite bad weather, then we all know what can happen. Especially when two thirds of the traffic is moving at snails pace so better to gawp at the Twelve-car pile-up that is Britney Spears life.
But in the slew of stories may well be hiding one of the real pressing questions of the day. Namely: Where oh where is David Miliband?
See, our interest was piqued last week when we discovered that while in New York David was not only going to talk to the UN about Burma and such, but was also going to be holding high-level talks with Angelina Jolie to discuss pressing issues on how best to approach matters of international diplomacy. They were even going to appear together on the revamped Foreign and Commonwealth Office site. But though we have been checking in, hawk-like, every day (well, like a hawk with theinternet), and there has been nothing. nada. No sign whatsoever. What is more, Mr Miliband hasn't updated his shiny new blog since Saturday!
There is only one obvious answer. Taking advantage of the blanket coverage of another celebrity's demonised public breakdown, and unable to resist the dimpled, fresh-faced charm of new foreign minister Miliband, Jolie has succumbed to her basest natural instincts, and adopted him.
As we speak, Miliband could have been ferreted away somewhere in a luxury nursery, and without anyone coming to his aid as yet, he'll soon be reduced to knocking his own teeth out in an attempt to claim the $50 tooth fairy reward rumoured popular in the Pitt-Jolie household to try and raise the air fare home.
But that's not where he really wants to be. He needs to be at home, with Gordon, and all his friends. So please, if anyone out there has seen him, please let someone know. And David, if you're reading - as attractive as she is, she's not your real mother. Please come home.
