A transgender man who said he "detests the body he lives in" is raising money for a life changing operation.
Jude Hanlon says he felt from an early age that he had been born in the wrong body.
But it wasn’t until he reached the age of 15 that he knew for certain he was transgender.
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He said: “I had a wonderful childhood filled with love and family, but around the age of eight or nine I remember thinking ‘I wish I was a boy’.
“At 15 I just knew that I was a man, but it took a few years to process that information.”
As puberty hit Jude, now 21, began to hate what his body was becoming.
He explained: “I started wearing seriously baggy hoodies when puberty started, always held my shirt out to make it look flat.
“Gender dysphoria is something that is very hard to put into words. Growing into a body that is not yours – that you don’t identify with – is an awful thing.
“I detest the body I live in, it feels like a cage. It feels monstrous. I feel disgust, shame, and confusion towards my body.
“I remember crying in the mirror, begging myself ... begging my body, please don’t grow up – stop it.”
Two years ago Jude, from Walton, began confiding in his friends and family that he was trans, and deeply unhappy with his body.
He said: “I told them that I hadn’t changed who I am inside – but that I was extremely uncomfortable and distressed living as who I was on the outside.
“I told them that I needed to change my name, that I needed them to see me and refer to me as the guy I am, and that I need to transition medically.”
He added: “My family and friends were wonderful, I’ve received nothing but support for which I’ll be grateful for the rest of my life.”
At the moment the student binds his chest for around 16 hours a day - a practice that can lead to rib, lung and spinal damage.
He said: “From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep I bind my chest. It’s very painful.
“I’ve been on testosterone (the male hormone) for a year. Hair, sweat, voice, mentality, shoulders, shape, everything has changed – but there’s still a long way to go,”
Jude was diagnosed with gender dysphoria in 2017, and referred to an NHS Gender Identity Clinic in Sheffield.
He said: “I have been on the waiting list for the NHS Gender Clinic for almost two years, and I haven’t even received a letter from them.
“I expect that if I were to stay on the waiting list – which I will for future operations I may want – that I may have to wait five years for top surgery.
“This surgery isn’t optional for me and it shouldn’t be delayed.”
In November Jude will fly to Warsaw, Poland to have top surgery – an operation which will see his breast tissue removed, leaving him with a flat, male chest.
If Jude were to pay for the operation in the UK it would cost between £6,000 and £10,000. In Poland, it will cost £3,585.
He said: “I am not prepared to wait several more years with such severe mental health effects.
“I shouldn’t have to live in a body that feels like a cage for five more years.”
The student, who is about to start a degree in psychology at Durham University, has managed to save just over half the amount needed to pay for his surgery.
He is hoping to raise the rest with a gofundme campaign.
Jude said: “£3,585 is an immense amount for a low-paid young person like myself to save.
“This surgery is a lifesaving, life-changing, requirement, and I’d be grateful for anything people can spare to help me fund it.
“I haven’t cried for many years but when it truly dawned on me that I’d be getting top surgery - wow.
“This is something so important that it never felt like it would really happen - even now it feels too good to be true.”
To donate to Jude’s fund click here
