It’s a familiar feeling to many of us: we’re out and about and need a poo, but embarrassment is holding us back. We might be at work and nervous about a colleague hearing us, or in a public toilet and worried about complete strangers knowing that we’re “going”.
But this isn’t a problem faced only by adults. A new survey by Andrex of more than 500 schoolchildren has revealed that 73% of pupils aged 10 to 17 agree that they feel too embarrassed to poo at school, with 63% claiming to be worried about teasing, and 61% admitting they’ve been too embarrassed to ask the teacher if they could go.
“There are a lot of societal issues in terms of embarrassment when it comes to pooing,” says Dr Abigail Wright, an educational psychologist and chartered member of the British Psychological Society. “A lot of it is related to how, at a very young age, we create a narrative around poo being a bit of a taboo.
“The language we use even with very little children – ‘Oh you’ve done a poo, yuck,’ – can create a pressure and demand around pooing without us even realising. If we show signs that we’re uncomfortable talking about this subject, or with going to the loo in public, children will also learn from those experiences.
“Those feelings can become more complicated when children get older and may make them vulnerable to teasing – and embarrassment – if they have to do a poo at school.”
Ending the embarrassment
With 68% of children claiming to have avoided going to the toilet at school, Andrex decided to launch a campaign to conquer the first school poo and help the nation raise the first unembarrassed generation – one that’s confident to go to the loo no matter who might be listening in.
“The subject of withholding poo is second only to constipation when it comes to the topics families call our free helpline about,” says Sunni Liston, a paediatric bowel and bladder nurse specialist on the family services team at Eric, the national charity dedicated to improving children’s bowel and bladder health.
“It’s important to feel confident to go to the toilet wherever you might be, but we see a lot of withholding related to school – children of all ages, including those aged 10 and over, who prefer to hold on until they’re somewhere more comfortable – and it happens for a wide range of reasons.
“One issue is a lack of access: as adults, we’re usually able to go whenever we need to, but that’s not the case for all schoolchildren.”
Many secondary schools have strict rules that restrict pupils’ ability to use the toilets, with some even being locked during lessons – all of which can add to the attention and stigma of visiting the bathroom. “There’s also a lack of privacy that can exacerbate the embarrassment factor, especially at secondary schools where the toilet facilities may be unpleasant or lack privacy. At that age, children want to fit in – understandably, they don’t want people to make fun of them simply for going to the loo.”
It might not seem all that big a deal if a child is waiting until they get home to poo, but the ripple effects can cause wider physical and emotional issues. In Andrex’s survey, almost a third of children said they’d skipped lunch in case it made them need the toilet, while 65% admitted they’d found it hard to concentrate in class due to the urge to poo.
“Withholding can also lead to constipation as stools build up,” says Liston. “This can cause pain when going to the loo, which in turn can lead to more of an urge to withhold, so it becomes a cycle.
“If a child develops chronic constipation, it can lead to issues including soiling, which happens when the pressure of backed-up stools causes leaks. This could make children feel nervous about going to school or cause them to isolate themselves from their friends. So it’s definitely an issue that’s worth addressing – and it’s something Eric can help with.”
Normalise pooing
Like the hundreds of parents who call the Eric helpline each year, Julie* is a concerned mum whose two children, Rory*, 10, and Sarah*, 14, refuse to poo at school. “Sarah never goes at school, even if she needs to,” says Julie. “Her friends hang around in the toilets, putting on their makeup and making TikToks, so there’s no way she would do a poo when they’re around – it would be the worst thing she could imagine.
“I haven’t noticed any effects of her refusing to go, but it’s not something she’d want to talk about, so she probably wouldn’t tell me if there were any. Meanwhile, Rory has always had a thing about public toilets, which stems from when he was younger and thought cubicles were only for girls.
“As he got older, I started finding soiled underwear in his room, where he’d had accidents. That’s not an issue any more, but I suspect he’s still withholding at school, which is a worry.”
When addressing this issue, Wright says, it helps to normalise the fact that although pooing is private, it’s also a basic need – and that it’s normal and acceptable to need to go to the toilet in the same environment as other people.
“It’s important to normalise pooing because it is a human need and a fundamental right,” she says. “When children feel unable or ashamed to use the toilet, it can have significant consequences for their physical health and psychological wellbeing.
“Normalising conversations about toileting not only helps children develop a better understanding of their own bodies and needs, but it makes it easier for them to talk about other personal or health-related concerns too.
“One of my core roles is to help children and young people make sense of their thoughts and feelings, and the key here is to listen.
“Once we have insight into what might be contributing to a child’s discomfort or anxiety around pooing – whether it’s fear of certain sounds, the physical environment, embarrassment or a combination of these – we can work together to find strategies that will empower them.
“For example, we can support them in developing confidence when it comes to their needs, or encourage them to take a care bag of flushable wipes, loo rolls and post-poo drops to school.
“At the same time, it’s important for schools to foster an atmosphere of kindness, inclusivity and respect, including thoughtful policies around toileting and setting clear boundaries around behaviours such as name-calling.
“This issue won’t get better by avoiding it – it’s only by having these conversations and empowering children that we’re going to help break the stigma.”
* Names have been changed
Andrex is on a mission to normalise the school poo. Find out what it’s doing to end the embarrassment and stigma
