RAM-IFICATIONS
Having seen them spend the immediate aftermath of their Championship play-off semi-final win over Nasty Leeds making fun of Marcelo Bielsa’s penchant for spying, The Fiver can’t help but wonder if the players of Frank Lampard’s Frank Lampard’s Derby County spent Monday night peering through the wrong end of their imaginary binoculars in order to get some idea of just how far they still have to travel to reach the Premier League. Beaten by Aston Villa in the Championship play-off final, they cut a comparatively sombre bunch as they lay in despair on the Wembley turf, but can at least console themselves with the potential of racking up one of those celebratory £2,802.30 bar tabs on their next trip home from Elland Road.
Whether Lampard would be around to pay it remains to be seen; the manager is rumoured to have been earmarked as the next manager after Maurizio Sarri to be turfed out the Chelsea exit door, but seems reasonably happy where he is despite the heartbreak of defeat. “I have had no conversations with anybody else,” he said. “I am manager of this club and I am very proud to be manager of this club. I have a two-year contract. I have loved working here and I want to continue that and I want to continue working and progressing with the club.”
Back in the Premier League after a three-year absence, Villa’s success was all the sweeter considering both their boss and captain are lifelong fans. Manager Dean Smith reduced TV viewers to blubbering wrecks while regaling the story of a recent visit to his dad, who suffers from dementia and is completely unaware of the work his son does at the football club they both hold so dear to their hearts. “Next time I’m here, I’ll be a Premier League manager,” he had told his old man, clearly relieved it was a promise he had been able to keep. Elsewhere, his captain, Jack Grealish was dabbing his own eye, having drawn blood after accidentally whacking himself on the head while hoisting the trophy towards the sky.
“I’ve scored twice against the Blues and now this; it’s like a dream,” said the 23-year-old, who should be heartily commended for remembering to take time out of his greatest moment in football to get a dig in at Villa’s bitterest rivals. Indeed, at the end of a season in which a knuckle-headed Birmingham fan went down for blindsiding the player on the pitch during a derby, it seems only fitting young Grealish should exact the most exquisite revenge by going up.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“They went in through the nose, past the tear ducts and now I can’t cry. This eye produces almost nothing, a drop maybe; and this one, where the tumour was, nothing at all. Crying’s good for you: it’s a release, cleansing, but I don’t have that. You try – especially in my position – but it won’t happen. It’s a minor issue compared to everything else, but it’s probably for life” – José Enrique gets his chat on with Sid Lowe about surviving cancer, sitting with fans and playing in the club’s shirt again.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on … planes, trains and autocracies.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Here’s the latest Football Weekly podcast.
FIVER LETTERS
“With Norwich, Sheffield United and Villa going up, I am three teams nearer to what Scott Murray described earlier this season as the ‘correct’ top flight, ie the ones who were there when you first got into football. If QPR, Wednesday and Forest can replace Burnley, Brighton and Bournemouth next year, that would be another step in the right direction. Might have a bit of a wait for Coventry and Wimbledon, though” – Tim Woods.
“No jokes, no pithy comments, no puns, no Noble Francis style analytics, just a Rochdale fan being forced to agree with a Bury fan. Darrien Bold (Friday’s Fiver letters) is spot on” – Nick Bigpond.
“Could I just say what a pleasure it was to see Friday’s letter of the day being awarded to a paean of absolute heartfelt bitterness, rather than the usual glib nonsense that normally wins. Having gone through the ‘owner that doesn’t care less’ scenario as a Morton supporter (and arguably now starting the process again), my heart goes out to Bury. Not literally obviously as it wouldn’t end particularly well for me, but you know what I mean” – Alistair Moffat.
“It’s interesting to see that ‘Dundee United’ is Nigerian slang for ‘idiot’. Apropos of nothing, in the last two days alone, Dundee United were given a penalty and ended up playing against 10 men, yet lost in the Scottish Premiership play-off by missing all four of their penalties in the shootout. And they have also had to apologise for having their official Social Media Disgrace Twitter account hacked and tweeting out ‘Mon the O’Rangers’ and something highly offensive to all Catholics. Unfortunately, I don’t have endless hours to waste looking through every Dundee United debacle (as I’m on holiday so have things I actually want to do) but there was also this in a season at a club that once got to the semi-finals of Big Cup by beating Barcelona (which used to be difficult to do in those days)” – Noble Francis.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Nick Bigpond.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Spanish bizzies have arrested a number of players following a complaint from La Liga that a game last May was possibly fixed by “an organised criminal group”.
Mike Ashley is reportedly negotiating the £350m sale (three-pack of Donnay white T-shirts presumably thrown in) of Newcastle to Sheikh Khaled bin Zayed Al Nahyan, a cousin of Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour.
Fresh from giving it to the Derby fan out of One Direction on Social Media Disgrace Twitter, Nasty Leeds have moved to tie down Marcelo Bielsa with a new contract.
Unable to lead Meeeeeeeeeeeelan into Big Cup, Gennaro Gattuso has quit as head coach without any compensation. “Mine is a painful but thoughtful choice,” he roared. “Am I giving up a two-year contract? Yes, because my story [here] can never be a question of money.”
While Mo Salah and Liverpool prepare for Big Cup final in Madrid, Sergio Ramos is preparing for a possible move out to the Chin€$£ Sup£r L€agu£.
Xavi is the new head coach of Qatari club Al $add.
AVB is the new OM manager.
And the old Three Lions song will become the new Three Lionesses song in time for next month’s Women’s World Cup.
STILL WANT MORE?
Our Experts’ Network runs the rule over the Women’s World Cup prospects of France, South Korea, Norway and Nigeria.
Arsenal can beat Chelsea to win Big Vase by repeating what they did against them in January, reckons Jonathan Wilson.
Talking of Big Vase, here’s the lowdown on Baku, its beauty and controversy.
On to Big Cup, and here’s Son Heung-min, riffing on getting up early in his younger days to watch finals, flying the flag for South Korea, Asian Games glory and more.
Donald McRae’s big interview with Virgil van Dijk.
Ben Fisher hails the contribution of John McGinn to Villa’s play-off triumph.
Why are so many Ligue 1 clubs sacking their managers?
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
.jpg?w=600)
