A college deputy principal has been struck off the teachers register after using a mentoring programme to seduce a Year 13 girl.
Wayne Allan Frewen, kept up a sexual relationship with the girl after she left the college, then dumped her when he started a relationship with a new partner with whom he now has a 14-month-old daughter.
The girl told the Teachers Disciplinary Tribunal that she was "now on antidepressants to help with my suicidal thoughts".
"I was depressed and so confused and always knew the friendship was inappropriate but I trusted Mr Frewen, as he was supposed to be my mentor," she said in a written submission.
"The way I was tossed aside and stripped of my innocence and respect has resulted in so much pain and serious mental issues for me that I can only hope to grow from."
The name of the college has been suppressed to protect the girl, but the tribunal refused Frewen's request to suppress his name because "it was important for members of the public to be aware of the respondent's conduct in the future and in his new occupation".
Frewen was aged 39 to 40 at the time of the affair and was married with a daughter. He resigned after the girl's mother discovered the affair and is now an on-site property manager for a holiday accommodation business in a tourist area.
The tribunal said Frewen "oversaw the student government processes at the school and was part of the formal mentoring programme that was in place for Year 13 students".
"During the student's final year of school, the relationship became inappropriate," it said.
"Although the respondent was not the student's official mentor, he regularly met with her during the school holidays and outside school hours.
"The respondent confided in Student A in relation to personal matters and encouraged an emotional bond to develop between them."
Frewen "invited the student to his private home on a number of occasions, outside of school hours while the respondent's wife was in the house".
"He would meet Student A during school hours for coffee," the tribunal said.
"During school holidays, he took Student A for drives.
"During the school holidays in early [year suppressed] he invited Student A into his office to listen to music."
After the girl left the college, the deputy principal took her on a trip to Rotorua, sent her cards and Valentine's Day flowers, visited her several times in the city where she was then studying, and told her he loved her.
In a letter he sent her detailing special moments they had shared, he remembered one Friday night when they coined the term "fhug".
Other points itemised in his letter included:
• "Parent/teacher evenings, basically an excuse to be silly with [you]."
• "Tournament week, got emotional saying goodbye. Wanted to fhug you."
• "Mentoring moments. Mostly in N6. You opened up to me. Showed me your trust. Made me realise that some of our life experiences were similar. I couldn't stop thinking about you all weekend!"
• "Fhug spots. Holding you and staring into your eyes."
• "First kiss... I'll never forget!"
• "That Saturday night... woah, did I just take my boxers off? You know me!"
• "Every f------ second with you is gold - mother f-----!!"
The relationship was uncovered when the girl's mother discovered ripped-up cards Frewen had sent the girl. She complained to the college. Frewen resigned and signed a voluntary undertaking not to teach again.
The girl told the college that she lost her virginity to Frewen and when she found out that he had started a new relationship with another woman she felt he was "abusing his position of trust".
The tribunal found that Frewen was guilty of "serious misconduct" and cancelled his registration as a teacher. He was ordered to pay 40 per cent of the costs of the case, likely to be about $4800, towards total costs of about $12,000.
The acting principal of the college said the college "ensured that the matter was given absolute priority and was dealt with promptly and in strict accordance with the Education Council legal framework".
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• Samaritans 0800 726 666
• If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
