Full-time: Depor 0-4 Barcelona
22 league hat-tricks for Messi now, but of greater significance is his growing comfort in his new role. For the first time in a while, Barcelona look confident and balanced; Iniesta and Busquets passed as astutely as ever, with Rakitic giving them a range that even in their Xavi-inspired heyday, they never had. And, up front, Neymar was excllent, Suarez is getting there, and Messi is Messi is messi.
Anyway, thanks for your comments and contributions - bye.
90+1 min Rakitic, who’s been quiet in the second half, rams a lovely low cross from the right, seeking Suarez at the far post. Naturally, he hurls his feet at it, but it’s just too quick for him.
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90 min There shall be two added minutes.
90 min Brilliant from Suarez, picking up a weak clearing header on the left corner of the box and immediately attacking the man and the space. Juanfran closes, so is beaten on the outside, comes again, so is rinsed on the inside, this time finishing prostrate on the ground. But, in front of goal, albeit from a tight angle, Suarez fires into Fabricio’s shins.
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89 min Assuming Depor don’t score in the time remaining, this will be Barcelona’s 13th clean sheet, from 19 league games. Handy, that.
86 min Sidnei barrels forwards at inside-left, riding two tackles and burrowing into the box before lashing a shot into Pique. This earns a corner, and the crowd are appreciative, but nothing of any use follows.
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85 min Depor haven’t given up, and Dominguez, 30 yards out on the right, curves a delectable cross between keeper and centre-backs - but there’s no one in the box to meet it.
GOAL! Depor 0-4 Barcelona (Sidnei og, 83)
Rafinha squares for Messi, 25 yards out, and he finds Alves wide on the right.His cross is cleared easily by Lopo, but straight into Sidnei, and the ball Rick O’Sheas past Fabricio to resigned consternation.
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80 min And there he is again, fighting hard with Juanfran on the left side of the box, after first Rakitic, spreading left, and then Alba, clipping over the top, contribute perceptive and accurate passes. But Juanfran wins the contest, and Depor break with illusory menace.
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80 min Littleterry reckons Suarez should ease off now, given a game that’s already won, but he’s clearly desperate for a goal.
79 min Medunjanin departs, Lucas arrives.
77 min Rafinha, who gives Barcelona fresh impetus almost every time he comes on, eases past one challenge 30 yards out and dead centre, then diddles another, making to shoot. Instead, he slides wide and left for Suarez, who crosses towards Messi at the penalty spot. He shoots, but it’s deflected high, and the corner comes to nothing.
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74 min So, it seems that Luis Enrique has happened upon his first XI - this is the first time that he’s not changed the team from the previous game, games which have seen Barcelona’s two best performances. And, given Arsenal’s effort today, probably leaves Louis van Gaal as the world’s sole manager still in the dark as regards this aspect.
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72 min Barcelona continue to press, and when the ball is cleared directly into Rafinha’s path, from 40 yards out, he raps an immediate through ball for Suarez. But, with Sidnei in pursuit, Fabricio charges out, arrives first, and snaps his legs into a diving clearance.
71 min Ray Hudson update, with J.R.: “Describing Messi’s third goal he said ‘He finds the angle better than hypotenuse.’ Good luck trying to figure that one out. He also mentioned something about the unpredictability of a wasp drinking coffee but unfortunately I didn’t quite catch the whole thing.”
That does sound pretty unpredictable, in fairness.
70 min Final change for Barcelona: the wonderful Neymar off, Pedro on.
69 min Depor haven’t given up, and make ground down the right, Medunjanin crossing low and hard, for Bartra to clear.
68 min Suddenly, Manchester City’s European Cup date with Barcelona doesn’t look quite so appealing; it’s hard to see their defence coping with this.
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66 min Ch-ch-changes for Barcelona, Busquets and Iniesta off, Rafinha and Bartra on.
64 min Skillz. Toche is booked for his second foul, upon whom I did not see.
63 min Toche replaces Riera.
GOAL DE MESSI! HAT-TRICK DE MESSI! Depor 0-3 Barcelona (Messi, 62)
Depor switch off as Barcelona take a quick corner from the right, Messi finding Rakitic who finds Messi, who sneaks into the box - how can that ever be possible? With space in front of him, he opens his body, and snap-carresses a side-footed rasper into the far corner. We are privileged to be living in his time.
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61 min Neymar breaks again, this time through the middle, hypnotic hips sending defenders scuttling this way and that. Suarez is left and Messi right - he picks Messi - but the ball’s behind him, the eventuating shot blocked.
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59 min Riera jumps and Busquets doesn’t bother, instead clutching his phizog and squealing with inconceivable pain; oh! He’s so dastardly. Riera is booked.
58 min Bravo has to do something! Luisinho crosses from the left, and Dominguez, in front of Mascherano at the near post, extends a right foot and flicks hard with his ankle, forcing a smart, flying save from the keeper at the far post. That’s another warning.
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56 min Neymar has looked great tonight, quickness of feet allied to benefit of team. This time, he again dances over the ball, then flicks it over his head to fox three defenders. It comes to nothing, but his ability to confiscate the game from multiple opponents, in one go, in a confined space, is frequently astounding.
56 min “You forgot about Lionel Joseph,” emails Niall Mullen - and here he is.
54 min “All this is all very well,” emails Charles Antaki, “but the prime beneficiary (apart from Luis Enrique) is a certain L. Suárez, who is welcoming the distraction from his sub-par contributions to Barcelona since arriving. Good job Barça are disqualified from signing anyone for a while, otherwise they’d have their eyes on that energetic bloke that Arsène Wenger has unearthed from somewhere.”
Suarez is brilliant, though. It’s a matter of time before things start going as we know they’ll go. As for Sanchez, yep, selling him doesn’t add up, especially when Pedro has played so many games this season - but his style is better suited to the Premier League, in mine.
52 min Great Lionels: Rosenfeld.
51 min Neymar draws Juanfran too close, spins, and accelerates away, then clipping a pull-back - as per the vogue - to Suarez. He wraps his foot around it, as it’s slightly behind him, and spanks high and wide. Why do bad things happen to good people?
50 min I appear to have missed a half-time substitution - Jose Rodriguez, on loan to Depor from Real Madrid, comes on for Ivan Cavaleiro.
48 min Dearie me. Depor break down the left and the ball finds Medunjanin in the middle. He’s backing into Mascherano, but rather than swivel and shoot - he’s only eight yards out, and dead centre - he flings himself to the floor in order to claim a penalty. There’s nothing doing, and what a pathetic little episode that was.
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48 min Relatively sedate start to the second half, so, great Lionels: Richie. Imagine being from a place called Tuskegee.
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47 min Great Lionels: Blair
46 min And away we go.
The players are coming out. Barcelona look ominously focused.
In defence of Littleterry Gibson:
Half-time nostalgia: old photos of La Coruna.
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Half-time: Depor 0-2 Barcelona
This has been excellent from Barcelona. Luis Enrique has happened upon his best team, and its members are beginning to understand it, him and each other; there’s not really very much that Depor can do. It seems highly unlikely that at least another couple of goals won’t follow in the second period.
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45 min There shall be no added minutes.
43 min “A slightly disguised double-pivot”, says Littleterry Gibson of the Busquets-Iniesta alliance; Iniesta is wearing a mustache, Busquets a trilby and plastic nose. He’s an illustrious figure, Gibson - played for Manchester United, and scored more goals against them (two) than for them (one).
41 min Ray Hudson latest with J.R.: “Looks like Ray Hudson is warming up. Here he is on Messi’s second goal: ‘Centipedes go to bed dreaming about a left leg like his. He alters everything. He’s like Higgs Field’.”
Sometimes I dream I’ve killed Higgs.
39 min I said a boom chika Rakitic-a Rakitic-a boom. This is lovely from Barcelona, short, sharp, incisive passing around the box, before Rakitic lifts another pass over the defensive line that finds Suarez - but he can only stab straight at Fabricio.
36 min Suarez finds Messi with a lovely pass, and again, he pulls body and ball down the outside of Luisinho, bursting into the box on its right hand side, but, with just Fabricio to beat, he can only shoot high. Pathetic.
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34 min Depor should score, Depor don’t score. Cavaleiro sends a pass wide to Medunjanin on the right, and he immediately crosses low and hard, finding Cuenca. But, from ten yards, he can’t help but lean back and use the pace of the ball to flip it over the bar.
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GOAL! Depor 0-2 (Messi, 33)
And there it is. Mascherano, right of midfield, curls a left-footer out to Neymar on the left. Mesmerically, he passes feet over the ball, then sidefoots firmly towards the path of Suarez, but can only clip his heels. But hovering at pace is Messi, who collects possession to feather a chip over Fabricio as he goes down.
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31 min Depor have been better these last few minutes, Busquets hustled into ceding possession and Bergantinos crossing from the left. But it’s headed away well and Barcelona break, Messi charging into central space from the right. But Lopo and Sidnei do very well to shut him down, restricting his space, and the attack breaks down.
30 min I knew this Barcelona jersey minded me of something.
28 min The Depor fans are singing a tune that sounds remarkably similar to the Bananaman theme.
26 min A hopeful punt over the top finds Cavaleiro wide on the left of the Barca box, and, poking past Alves with a high foot that reaches the bouncing ball first, he then clouts and finish well over the top.
25 min More odd drinks - the “Ron the Dustman”. A friend grew up in a pub, and the eponymous local would, without fail, order a pale ale and a dry white wine.
23 min Talking of slightly odd drinks, this, the Polish Butterfly, made at Jerusalem’s famous Tavern Bar, is the finest of all-time. Served with a pint of water to quell the burning larynx, any more than three is more than an evening can handle.
22 min Barcelona pick Depor apart again, Iniesta poking a ball through the defence for Suarez, alone in front of goal - save Messi on his right. He opts to go alone, dragging a shot wide of the near post, and appears relieved when the offside flag accurately describes his position.
21 min “I thought I’d keep you up to date with just some of the many words Ray Hudson said after Messi’s goal,” emails J.R. “‘Rakitic the hammer to Messi’s Steinway strings.’ ‘He dropped the old beer into the shot glass on Messi’s head.’ ‘Mutant’s fly-eye vision from Ivan.’ A bit disappointing maybe but we can’t all be on our A game everyday.”
The beer/shot-glass one has me well confused - surely one drops the shot glass into the beer, as per the Dr Pepper - amaretto in Guinness.
19 min Messi pulls the ball down the side Luisinho, but his attempted cross is blocked. Depor clear, but to no one, and Barcelona get going again.
18 min It still looks odd seeing Messi on the wing, though, on the plus side, we can all pretend to be eight years younger. Quite how things will work against a side with a proper left-winger I don’t know - perhaps Suarez will do swapsies - but then there aren’t that many of those.
16 min A brief lull, before Messi, in off the right, brushes Luisinho to the ground. The referee awards what appears to be a generous foul, and Messi appears not to mind - he’d be as amazed us the rest of us where he somehow to complete the rest of this game without scoring at least once more.
13 min Barcelona are right into this now, the deftness of their passing and movement far too much for Depor, who can hardly muster a kick.
GOAL! Deportivo 0-1 Barcelona (Messi, 11)
But there it is. Iniesta and Suarez prompt around the Depor box, advancing from 40 to 25 yards out. With Neymar looking to run in behind, the ball’s switched right to Rakitic, who drills across and curls over the top of the defence - it’s a pass and a cross - to meet Messi’s run. Without breaking stride, he powers a header into the roof of the net for his first away goal since October. Superb.
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10 min Barcelona win a corner on the left, Rakitic clipping it towards the penalty spot, where Messi, peeling away from the group clustered closer to the line, tucks himself up to snap a shot goalwards - but Fabricio gets down superbly to push away.
9 min Luisinho forearms a crossfield ball into touch, with Suarez waiting on the right touchline. Instead of a free-kick and yellow card, the referee awards a throw, which is not especially appreciated.
8 min This has been a steady start by Depor - “they’d’ve took it”, as Ryan Giggs would say.
7 min Depor attack down the right, Lopo looking for Bergantinos, but overhitting the pass. Then Barcelona start passing again.
7 min Talking of Neymar, might this be the best goal of all-time? Contains every aspect that could possibly be desired.
5 min Ridiculous feet from Neymar, jinking en pointe to deceive Juanfran and Dominguez, before clipping a cross for Suarez, whose touch wasn’t up to scratch.
3 min Depor are sitting off Barcelona’s defenders in possession, then engaging once play moves into their half. Makes sense, in terms of conserving energy, and forcing Mascherano and Pique to play an attack-shaping pass.
2 min Barcelona stroke the ball across the back, then Alves and Messi exchange flicks, before the ball goes left, and a high cross - still feels odd typing that - is claimed by Fabricio.
1 min Scratch it and give me a beat.
Luis Enrique looks windswept. Or a mess, depending on your bent.
Here they come!
The players gather in the tunnel, where things are unmoody in the extreme. Depor are in Tesco, Barcelona are in dayglo red-orange-pink.
When La Liga was competitive: Depor win the title in 1999-00.
Right then, eyes down for even more lovely football.
Teams:
Deportivo: Fabricio, Juanfran, Sidnei, Lopo, Luisinho, Bergantiños, Domínguez, Medunjanin, Cuenca, Cavaleiro, Riera.
Subs: Lux, Insua, Jose Rodriguez, Lucas, Laure, Toche, Wilk.
Barcelona: Bravo, Jordi Alba, Piqué, Mascherano, Alves, Rakitic, Iniesta, Busquets, Neymar, Luis Suárez, Messi
Subs: Ter Stegen, Montoya, Pedro, Rafinha, Bartra, Sergi Roberto, Adriano
Preamble
Played 18, won 13, drawn 2, lost 3, for 44, against 9, position 2nd. Yes, Barcelona have had an absolutely lousy first half of the season.
But, Eyes > Stats, and things have not looked right. The players don’t look happy, the manager doesn’t look happy, replacing the greatest midfield ever with not the greatest midfield ever hasn’t quite worked, and Lionel Messi’s performance has dropped from celestial to incredible.
Yet, they’re still handily placed; the title remains winnable, so too the Copa del Rey and Champions League. And, just last week, they deconstructed Atleti, in the process, celebrating a goal from each of their ridiculous strikers; if they can gel, things will quickly become very silly indeed.
Which is to say that Deportivo, and everyone else, had better watch out.
Kick-off: 6pm
