There is troubling news from Melbourne, where Bobby Brown is currently on tour. And it's news even more troubling than the news that Bobby Brown is on tour.
Readers of Lost in Showbiz may recall that last year, a former lover of Bin Laden's named Kola Boof revealed that the world's most wanted man used to have a total thing for Bobby's ex-wife Whitney Houston.
"He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston," this Sudanese poet wrote in her memoirs. "How beautiful she was, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed . . . He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."
Of course, like so many of the great romances that never were, stuff just got in the way. Whitney had a whole downward spiral to embark on, the rock bottom of which would see her indulging in lengthy crack binges in motel rooms, wearing a big nappy so she didn't have to... you know, interrupt her crack binge. And for Osama, a career in mass murder left little time for passing out in Holiday Inn parking lots with a glass pipe between his evil lips.
But Lost in Showbiz has often imagined him holed up in his cave, weeping gently at the final scenes of The Bodyguard as they flicker against the stone walls, and seeing something of himself in Kevin Costner's thoughtfully realised character - a character who ultimately has to let Whitney go because he loves her too much to be able to protect her properly.
Unfortunately, it seems that Bobby does not share this vision of closure, and still believes that Bin Laden is after him. What's he smoking? Oh right... Yes. Sorry. I forgot.
If the erstwhile poet behind Every Little Step were a target, of course, we could all consider the war on terror won, because the second the al-Qaida chief executive starts focusing on Bobby Brown, is the second we all get to carry more than 100ml of handcream in our hand luggage because these people are now Offically Morons.
But back to Bobby, who this week announced to presumably concerned concertgoers that he was trying to act relaxed about the threat to his existence, but it was hard.
"I figure if Bin Laden wants me, and everybody is looking for him, it probably won't happen," he hazarded. "But if he wants to try and find me for something so stupid, he can do what he wants. I have to leave it in the hands of my higher power.
"Come on, if anybody [else was] threatened by al-Qaida, they'd take it seriously."
There doesn't seem an awful lot to add, other than: enjoy your weekend, kids.
And hey - let's be careful out there.
