As legendary Australian sports broadcaster Dennis Cometti embarks on his final season covering AFL football, we look beyond “like a cork in the ocean”, “centimetre perfect” and “delusions of adequacy” to some of the master commentator’s best quips from over the years, as compiled in ‘That’s Ambitious’, Cometti’s 2007 collection of classic zingers.
Cometti on team selection:
In for the Cats today, David and Steve Johnson. Who better to patch up a line-up than Johnson & Johnson.
On a coaching legend:
There is something magnetic about his aura. Paul Roos should be covered in fridge magnets.
On his early career calling cricket:
1974, Australia v England at the Waca. The good old days. Literally – England all-rounder Chris Old finished with 3 wickets and 50 runs.
On Essendon’s Courtney Johns:
I remember when he debuted he had the haircut of a 400-game veteran. Unfortunately his game didn’t gel as well as his hair.
On Carlton’s struggles:
Four Blues had a chance to clear that ball. It’s what the French call esprit de goof.
On the ‘Shinboner of the Century’:
Getting past Glenn Archer is still like trying to tiptoe past Mayfair and Park Lane with hotels.
On North Melbourne’s pint-sized Brent Harvey:
He might be the only guy in the competition whose feet appear in his driver licence photo.
On Harvey again:
Three Collingwood players on top of Harvey, pleading to the umpire. I’m not sure he had prior opportunity but he’s been pinged anyway! That may have been the ultimate kangaroo court.
On a former Brisbane ruckman:
Matthew Clarke is a dinosaur thriving on climate change.
On his first meeting with Eddie McGuire:
Ed had an aura. I remember he asked his personal assistant, “Have you seen the letter opener?” and she replied, “It’s his day off.” I was impressed.
On Heath and Rhys Shaw’s tackling efforts:
Mitch Hahn found himself girt by Shaws.
On Jude Bolton’s endurance:
They’ve finally got Jude Bolton off the ground and he’s heaving like a crazed tuba player.
On Paul Hasleby’s courage:
Just wonderful courage from Paul Hasleby. He bounced off one guy and into the path of another. If you watch that replay backwards I bet it says, ‘Paul is dead’.
On Adelaide defender Nathan Bassett:
Bassett’s my man. He never takes a breather. If he was a postman I reckon he’d finish his round in 20 minutes, stopping only to bite a few dogs.
On the weather:
Plenty of cloud about. And for anyone who’s ever called a plumber that’s a rare sight – the moon is completely covered.
