Face values ... Andy Warhol Self PortraitWe are a nation of narcissists. Rich ones, at that. Such is the conclusion of a new survey, which reveals that a large number of us fancy having our pictures painted by a modern master.
In top spot comes Andy Warhol: 36% of those questioned liked the idea of him capturing our likeness. That seems quite appropriate, in the circumstances: the ultimate chronicler of celebrity and its fickle nature might have responded well to the task, though whether most of us would look all that delightful done out in silkscreen neon is more open to debate. Cyan eyeshadow? Not quite my shade. And could you survive for more than a few minutes (even 15) in Warhol's notorious Factory, besieged by glassy-eyed groupies, without pulling out a Luger? I wouldn't bet on it.
The rest of the survey is, depending on your perspective, either testament to the great British public's immaculate modernist taste or - and I much prefer this one - a tongue-in-cheek, oh-so postmodern joke being played on those doing the surveying (BT and the Tate, bless them).
In second place comes Matisse, specialist in schematic depictions of the human form: 20% of us said we'd feel happy to have ourselves ripped apart and rendered in angular silhouette, no matter how painful the process. Only slightly fewer were the number who felt like being plonked in a nightmarish fantasy landscape by Salvador Dalí, perhaps - why not? - with a phonebox sprouting from their ears and favourite household pets exploding mid-air.
Thirteen per cent fancied having their face rearranged by Picasso, perhaps in the manner of Mr Potato Head in Toy Story. A forgivably low 2% fancied having it removed entirely - or replaced with a ghoulish smear of a scream - by Francis Bacon.
But these pale beside the brave (for which, read: foolhardy) contingent, 14% of those surveyed, who wanted their most private neuroses laid bare by Lucian Freud, the only artist in the survey who hasn't actually passed on to the great auctioneers in the sky. To those people: be careful what you wish for. It could happen.
But it's a Wednesday afternoon, so let's play the game. Who would you employ? Someone here suggests Jackson Pollock (wear overalls, bring a bottle). I fancy Kandinsky could capture my partying side. But, no, it'd have to be Rothko, wouldn't it? He has such a winning way with a face.
