It all starts with a long-shot of a pensive, brooding figure. He stands alone, engulfed in darkness in the middle of a cavernous BBC sound stage. “There’s £20,000 at stake,” he says, as an unsettling, low-pitched note swells to the fore. The moment lingers as Shane Richie unclenches his fists and spreads his arms wide. “And that’s what this massive golden wall is worth!” Bang. The lights blaze upwards in a pyrotechnic flurry to reveal a vast digitised wall that’s brighter than a thousand suns and looks like it’s been borrowed from a Baz Luhrmann set.
This is the eponymous Decimate wall, the glowing centrepiece of BBC 1’s new teatime quiz show, which launched on Monday. Over the next 45 minutes, you’ll hear the word “decimate” so many times it’ll begin to lose meaning as Richie fires 30 general knowledge questions to a team of three contestants. Get a question right and the golden wall remains, but get a question wrong and gape in horror as parts of the wall crumble into oblivion while a robotic voice announces those dreaded three syllables sure to strike fear into the hearts of light-entertainment fans everywhere.
Decimate is the latest attempt by the BBC to plug the post-lunchtime 3pm lull. It’s a popular spot for producers to stir up a bit of excitement after a whole morning’s worth of antique snuff boxes being sold for slightly less than their asking price. Across the main channels we see a similar pattern emerging. It’s too early in the day to crack out the big hitters (Deal Or No Deal, Pointless), but there’s a yawning gap in the schedules where quiz shows can be slotted in for a relatively cheap cost. A lot of the time these shows sink without trace, a sort of Bermuda Triangle effect where programmes are axed without warning and never spoken of again. But what makes a good tea-time quiz? And is Decimate destined for death or glory? Let’s see how it stacks up.
The host
You don’t want some nobody hosting your quiz show. You need someone with pizzazz and charm, a seasoned television veteran who’s not afraid to slip into a Michael Caine impression when a question about The Italian Job comes up. Ex-Pontins Bluecoat Shane Richie does all this and more, his nan-pleasing patter making him the perfect 3pm quiz host.
Decimate: 5/5
The format
Adam and Joe’s Quizzlestick is a pitch-perfect parody of the sorts of gameshows that pile senseless rules on top of each other until contestants are trapped in an absurdist web of buzzers, scores, gongs and commiserations. Gameshows work best when they are simple yet innovative, and while Decimate is simple enough, there are some parts that don’t really make sense. For example, the teams are periodically told to get together in 20-second huddles, and the contestants can overrule each other but only sometimes, and I think they get five chances to help each other out, except they don’t have to. But, most importantly, there’s that enormous dazzling gold wall. Did I mention the wall?
Decimate: 3/5
The structure
Successful gameshows have rounds that lead on naturally from each other, often framing similar skills within a slightly different context or whittling down players to create a sense of progression and competition. Decimate is 30 general knowledge questions stretched out over 45 minutes. There isn’t really anything more to it. What there is, though, is that huge wall. It really is very big, come to think of it. And golden, too.
Decimate: 2/5
The prize
Deal Or No Deal proves that tension can be ratcheted up if the prize money offered is sufficiently high. Decimate promises a prize fund of £20,000, though in effect each wrong answer knocks £2,000 from that total. The questions asked are actually quite difficult, and the contestants on Monday’s episode failed to rattle through them quickly enough which meant that the wall was automatically demolished (who knew?) and they left with nothing. Still, that wall sure was impressive while it lasted …
Decimate Overall Score: 3/5
