'Dear Mel, I'm accidentally having full-blown affair - with best friend's husband'

By Melanie Blake

The story I told you about my friend’s cheating husband last week resulted in thousands of messages from readers who felt very strongly about the situation I found myself in.

This week, I’ve decided to publish one of the many letters I received in the hope that together – with my advice and your comments via my online platforms – we may be able to help its author.

Louise from Stockport wrote:

Dear Melanie,

I read your column about your friend’s husband coming on to you in horror and shame.

Horror, because I recognised the exact same tactics that my best friend’s husband used on me. And shame, because – unlike you – I actually fell for them.

To cut a long story short, I’m having an affair with the husband of my best friend of 25 years and I really don’t know what to do. It started innocently enough during lockdown. I’m a single mum and had some DIY issues around the house which he offered to fix.

I’ve always known them as a couple. I was a bridesmaid at their wedding and she and I went to school together, so I genuinely never looked at him in that way. But during the loneliness of lockdown, when he was the only person I was really seeing, he started making suggestive remarks.

At first, like you, I thought he was joking. Yet suddenly a spark seemed to develop between us, which one day resulted in us going to the bedroom. One year later, we’re still having a full-blown affair.

He says he loves me but he also loves his wife – and I love her too. He suggests the only way that we can get through this without hurting her is to just keep it secret and carry on as we are, but I don’t know if I can cope with that.

The guilt I feel for her is matched by the longing I feel for him. I really am so confused. What should I do?

STIs in those aged over 64 increased by 23% (stock image) (Getty)

Dear Louise,

Thank you for being so open and honest in sharing your dilemma. What I am about to say to you is meant with the best of intentions.

You’ve asked for advice and I’m afraid I can only tell you what I really think, and that is that you have been severely played by a selfish man who wants to have his cake and eat it – and you are serving it on a plate.

Let’s be realistic, affairs happen. Sometimes chemistry cannot be ignored and new relationships are formed that end up being more rewarding for the individuals involved than those they left behind.

And while it’s not nice for anyone to be cheated on, if it results in a new partnership that somehow was destined to be then there can be a bittersweet celebratory side to the story.

But in your case you are not only betraying someone you’ve known all your life, who you say is your best friend, but you’re allowing her husband to manipulate you into getting the best of everything on his terms.

What do you think this reader should do next? Have your say in the comments below

(Melanie Blake)

Meanwhile, she’s completely unaware that the two most important people in her life are deceiving her in such an unforgivable way.

If you truly value her friendship as you say you do, you must end this affair immediately. Friendship is forever, while relationship loyalty, as this man is proving, can come and go.

If you truly are meant to be together then this action will cause him to show his true feelings and if he really wants to be with you, then of course you are free to choose. But could you ever really trust a man that you knew had cheated like this? Even if you did end up together, would you really be sure that he wouldn’t be doing this to you next?

If you decide to end it, I suggest not telling your friend because if you can put this behind you then hopefully her feelings can be spared. But if you find out that he’s doing it again with someone else then you have to tell her everything, because although you’ve already broken the girl code horrendously, I’m giving you both the benefit of the doubt that this might be a one-off.

But if it turns out that it isn’t, you must be strong and confess all. It will be the only way to ease your conscience and give her the chance to know what she’s dealing with.

Good luck to you all, love Melanie.

Melanie's novel Ruthless Women is out now and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @melanieblakeuk.

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