One of the secretaries gets cross with me whenever I ask her to do something
I am on a probationary period at a small law firm, with a view to getting a training contract if I am kept on. I enjoy the work and like dealing with the clients, but I find one of the secretaries very difficult to work with. My boss encourages me to delegate more tasks to her, but if I ask her to do something she gets very bad tempered – sighing loudly and grumbling to herself.
If I ask her what the problem is, she says nothing. She seems to think she’s overworked, but I can hear her spending a lot of time texting and making personal phone calls. She also leaves early whenever our boss isn’t in.
The boss has noticed that our relationship has broken down and given us both a talking to. He seems to take the view that the problem must be “six of one, half a dozen of the other”. I honestly can’t see that I’ve done anything wrong, but I feel her attitude is damaging his perception of me and therefore my career chances. How can I tackle this?
Jeremy says
Workplaces commonly develop their own informal hierarchies – and what you’re experiencing, I’d be pretty certain, is a familiar instance of exactly that. My guess is that this difficult secretary has been with the firm for quite some time and sees herself as fairly senior. She judges her status by the status of those for whom she works. She’ll be obliging enough when working for one of the senior partners but feels it demeaning when asked to work for those in more lowly positions.
I know it makes no sense, and I’m sure she’d deny it if challenged – indeed, she might not even be consciously aware of it – but I’d be pretty certain that this feeling is the root cause of your uncomfortable relationship. So every time you ask her to do something on your behalf she’ll feel aggrieved.
The only thing you’ve done wrong is to be a junior person on probation. I expect you’re a good deal younger than she is, as well. Your boss, although well-meaning, won’t have helped by giving you both a talking to. She’ll have seen this as evidence that your boss sees you and her as being on the same level, which once again she’ll have resented – and, totally illogically, will have thought it your fault.
There is no obvious way to resolve this uneasy relationship but I do have a suggestion to make. If I’m right in my analysis, this curmudgeonly secretary will in fact be the repository of quite a lot of information and experience that could be of real value to you during this important probationary period. I don’t necessarily mean matters of law; rather, how the firm works, how previous interns have fared, what mistakes they’ve made and so on. So I think you should pluck up the courage to ask her to join you for a drink or a cup of coffee and tell her that you’d really welcome any advice she could give you.
I’m not suggesting this purely as a ruse to flatter her into a form of friendship; I believe she could be of real help to you and, in doing so, correct the perceived imbalance in your relationship that she so resents. Be prepared to persist if her initial reaction is cool.
Readers say
• Some people behave very badly at the office. I think it’s good training to face this “type” early on in your career. However much you may be dying inside at the thought, go to her desk, delegate the job, ignore her huffing and puffing, be nice but assertive, and say that you’ll repeat the instruction in an email “so we both have a record of it”. Let her bitch about you to her heart’s content. Not the sort of friend you want to have anyway, and you are better educated than she is. Be crisp and professional at all times. Understand that you can never “thaw” because she will always be intent on undermining you. Milouthedog
• You’re only doing what you have been told to do by your boss – so keep on doing it and act as if you haven’t noticed that she has an attitude problem. Don’t confront her about her sighing and muttering, just tell her (politely) what it is that you’re asking for, smile, and leave her to it. And when she does complete the work, say thank you as graciously as you can. I’ve been in this sort of situation before and it is horrible, but the only way to come out of it with your reputation intact is to be the bigger person and make sure your own behaviour is beyond reproach. Loulu
• You’ve been set up. walkinginthesand
I want to teach English as a foreign language but finding work is really hard
After thinking about it for a long time (and despite having been away from the classroom environment for almost 40 years), I finally took the plunge last autumn and, at my own expense, enrolled on an intensive four-week course which has ultimately qualified me to teach English as a foreign language to adults.
The course was desperately hard work, but it’s dawning on me that finding work in that field is even harder. Establishments either want a minimum of two years’ experience or can only offer a handful of hours per week. I still have a (hefty) mortgage and bills to pay, so I have reverted to my previous industry, road haulage, and have perversely found a job that I really like.
However, the feeling persists that I have something to contribute to adult education locally and I would even be prepared to offer voluntary tuition if I thought it would help to gain some sort of a foothold.
I should add that there are plenty of posts advertised abroad and as a younger man (I’m 58) I would certainly have been attracted by the prospect, but I have too many ties here to be able to consider that.
Jeremy says
Unless I’ve missed something important, it seems to me that you’re in a pretty satisfactory situation. You’ve got a full-time job that you enjoy, and you’ve obtained a qualification to teach English as a foreign language to adults.
At 58 you may not have more than seven years or so working in road haulage, but you can use those seven years to build up a modest practice (and reputation) teaching English to local individuals.
There may not be many looking for such tuition but there are bound to be some – and it seems likely that the demand can only increase. It will be hard work, of course – you’ll have to slot your tuition sessions into evenings and weekends. But those are the times most likely to suit working immigrants anyway. There may be existing local practices already offering such a service who would welcome an extra part-time tutor.
Or you could set up your own practice through sites such as LinkedIn or even the good old-fashioned postcard in the newsagent’s window. And should your tuition take off, you can retire from your road haulage job a little earlier.
Readers say
• Have you really checked all avenues? I can’t believe there isn’t a lot of opportunity to teach foreigners English here; englishinbritain.co.uk brings up loads of establishments. DeputyPeck
• Tefl sounds like the ideal project once you are retired. You’ll be able to travel abroad and pick any country you would like to know better. Try a different one every season! Aranzazu
Do you need advice on a work issue? For Jeremy’s and readers’ help, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@theguardian.com. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or to reply personally.
