Should I employ a life coach to help me work out what I want to do?
I am 36 and still have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
My grades at school were not too bad, but I left with no idea of what to do and had no inspiration from family or teachers. I studied art at college for the sake of doing something, then a degree in fashion. I failed the final year because I had neither the edge, discipline nor competitiveness to succeed, and left with a diploma.
I moved to London and took a series of admin and receptionist jobs, and after several years of that, I thought I could become a PA. For years, I went to countless interviews but always lost out to those with actual PA experience.
I was made redundant from a dead-end admin job after six years and briefly went into a recruitment role, which I also hated. I have now quit my job and my partner pays the bills.
I have a puppy and love dogs and have thought of becoming a dog trainer but, again, I don't know if it is really me. I have also applied to local shops and boutiques for part-time work, but, due to no retail experience, I don't get the role and doubt I would even enjoy it.
It seems I lack experience and am unlucky when applying for jobs, but my real problem is that I have no idea what I want to do or what I would be good at. Now I'm wondering whether if I paid good money to see a professional life coach they would be able to set me on the right path to discover myself.
Jeremy says
I'll not discourage you from seeing a professional life coach; but, if you do, please try very hard indeed to do so with some element of open-mindedness, if not of actual optimism. If you can't summon up a little hope, it will almost certainly be a total waste of money.
As you've recognised, you have become so accustomed to disappointment and failure that a kind of self-perpetuating defeatism has entered your soul. You expect little; and when little happens, it simply confirms your expectation. To your credit, you've resisted the temptation to lay all the blame on others. Although you say you were given no inspiration by family or teachers, and that you've been "unlucky" when applying for jobs, you're honest enough to know that your real problem lies with your own indecision and lack of any discernible skill or talent.
It's not so much you give up on things; rather you never engage with them properly in the first place. Many people persevere and prosper at least in part through fear of failure. You don't.
I've got only one positive suggestion. I think you need to look for volunteer work that entails becoming an essential companion and support to another human being – and maybe more than one. The moment you realise that other people are dependent on you; that you have the resolve and the ability to justify that dependency; and that you've earned their trust and you can't just walk away, I believe you'll find a whole new reservoir of confidence and resolve. You'll have discovered what you're good at; and, after that, pride and concern for others will ensure that you remain committed.
You wouldn't dream of letting down that puppy of yours. Try transferring that same unthinking commitment to others. That's the self I'm fairly sure you'll discover.
Readers say
• You have a luxury that many people don't – you have free time to really think and make a positive choice without having to jump straight into another admin job to pay the bills. So don't treat it as a problem – think of it as a way to finally work out a sense of direction. CupcakeFrosting
• Rather than a life coach, try some volunteering. Someone with your skillset, interests and availability will be hugely appreciated by an organisation. Try do-it.org.uk to find suitable opportunities close to you. My volunteering experience has had a huge influence on my career – I realised what I really enjoyed and then sought paid roles that offer that. Having good connections and relevant experience undoubtedly helped me secure those roles. ollybenson
• Consider returning to counselling, or talk to your GP about how you are feeling. Possibly you have some depression. If you are always negative about any potential employment then consider going self employed. I am much much happier these days living frugally and selling the veg I grow on the roadside and at car boots. As soon as the word JOB looms on the horizon I just see it as something that is sucking my soul. If you feel like this then, yes, look at what you can do with dogs. fizzdarling
I've given three months notice but my employer
is insisting I stay on
I handed in my notice at the beginning of May from my job of 17 years. My contract says I have to give three months' notice. My employer is insisting I stay until whenever they find a replacement, to do a handover. Naturally, my new employer wants me as soon as possible.
I do not think my current employer is looking for a replacement as fast as I would like them to. Is there any way of getting them to act faster? I do not want to jeopardise the job I am going to.
Jeremy says
You may suspect that your current employer, disgruntled that you've chosen to leave, is deliberately dragging its feet in the search for your replacement – but it's very unlikely that you'd be able to prove it. Only if you are expected to hang around until it suits them, exceeding the three months notice, do you have the right to be impatient.
The best way to ensure it gets a move on is not by hassling but by doing everything you can to make the eventual handover fast and efficient. Make sure you've compiled an easily understood list of your duties, paying special attention to those less obvious details that you learned only through experience. Lodge this list with your manager and update it from time to time; this will serve the same purpose as a reminder that time is running out and be a lot less irritating.
Above all, in your outward manner, avoid anything that might justify the accusation that you've become "de-mob happy" – feeling liberated from a normal sense of responsibility by your imminent departure. Any sign that you've mentally left already is only likely to provoke further procrastination on your employer's part.
And do keep your next employer regularly informed of progress and what you're doing to nudge it along.
Readers say
• Your contract says three months' notice. Your current employer can insist all it likes, but three months' notice means you leave three months after you tell them you're leaving!
Do you have holidays owing? Because you could roll them into your notice period and leave sooner. Leave things tidy and organised so that the reins can be picked up easily. And that's it. You're moving on – you owe your current employer no more than that. shima
• Leave at the end of the contract period. If you are able to do some form of written handover, do so out of courtesy to keep them happy. Make it clear to the old employer that you will charge a consultancy fee of (insert hourly rate here) if you need to do a handover after you have left. That should get them into gear. Shaukat Abbas
Do you need advice on a work issue? For Jeremy's and readers' help, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@theguardian.com. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally.
