Dear Coleen
I’m a woman in my early 60s and have been with my husband for 40 years. I still work full time and enjoy my job, while my husband “retired” more than 20 years ago and has been living a life of leisure ever since.
When he gave up work I didn’t mind because I was earning enough for both of us and he’d been treated badly by his employers, plus it meant he was around more for our teenage kids.
However, I’ve always been the one to do everything when it comes to running our lives – from our income to all the admin and arrangements concerning the house, the family, our social life, holidays and so on. I even employed a cleaner because he’s too lazy to do it himself!
Now I’m working from home along with most other people in the country, I’ve realised just how little my husband contributes – he’s usually still in bed at midday.
I suppose it was easy to ignore his lifestyle while I was going out to work because I didn’t have to see it.
I want to leave him, as I feel trapped and have little respect for him any more, but can I actually do it after living with the situation for so long?
I wish I’d left years ago, but I didn’t. This situation has made me realise how far apart we really are and it’s sad for all of us in the family.
Coleen says
Stop looking back, regretting what you didn’t do and look positively to the future. I think the situation we find ourselves in – where the world has stopped and we’ve all had time to examine our lives – will lead to lots of people reassessing relationships and making decisions they’ve been putting off.
Of course you can do it – it’s never too late to make a new start and be happier.
I’m divorced for the second time in my mid-50s, I’m about to move house and I feel happier than I have done in years.
Naturally, it’s daunting when you’ve been with someone a long time because you don’t know what’s on the other side. And there’s the divorce itself, which can be a very difficult process.
My advice to anyone in this situation is, once you’ve made the decision, take it a day at a time and with each step forward, however small, you’ll gain confidence and you’ll start to see light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s always hard when you have
children together – however old they are – but I’m sure yours will want
you to be happy and will be able to support both you and your husband.
Good luck.
