Dear Coleen
I’ve been dating someone for just over a year. When we first met, he was honest that he came with a lot of baggage – two ex-girlfriends who both have children with him.
His complicated relationship history didn’t bother me at the time because he was upfront about it and I was more interested in how he managed contact with his kids.
My problem is, the relationship is serious now and we’ve been talking about moving in together, but I haven’t met his children – or any of his family for that matter. He always stays at my place because he’s currently living with his parents and I’ve never been to their house.
Often when we’re together, he’ll go into another room to take calls from his ex and sometimes I hear him arguing with her, but he just says she’s jealous that he’s moved on and she makes it difficult for him to see his son.
There’s just something nagging me that I shouldn’t trust him. Things are great when we’re together, but I can’t help thinking he’s got this whole other life that I know nothing about.
Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or walk away?
Dear Coleen: I'm shocked he’s replaced me so quickly after we split up
Coleen says
I can understand him not being too hasty to introduce you to his kids. He’ll want to know the relationship is established and going somewhere to avoid his children getting attached to someone who might disappear from their lives quite quickly.
However, I think after a year of dating and, especially given the fact he lives with this parents, it’s slightly odd that you haven’t met them. If he wants a proper relationship with you, he needs to start involving you more in his life and trusting you with what’s going on with his exes.
I understand why you’re beginning to doubt his commitment and I think you should tell him how you feel.
If he continues to say no to you going over to
his place and to meeting his parents, then you have to ask what he’s got to hide.
I hope the relationship between your boyfriend and the mother of his son is genuinely over and that he’s not keeping his options open by having you both on the go.
It’s easy to be blind to certain situations when you’re in love, but follow your gut instinct, which is generally spot-on.
I certainly wouldn’t commit to moving in with him until you’re confident you’re getting the whole story.
