Dear Coleen
I’m a widow aged 69 and a few months ago a friend took me to a local social group for older people and I met a wonderful man who’s 70.
He’s also on his own after a divorce some years ago and we got along so well together right from the start. We began meeting up for a walk or a coffee, and then became romantically attached. We’d sometimes stay over at each other’s houses.
When the Government advised us all to isolate, we decided that he should move in with me. We both hated the thought of not being able to see each other and the idea of being on our own.
My problem is, my two grown-up children, who are both in their 30s with kids of their own, have been really miserable about the fact my partner is living with me. Their point is they don’t know him and that’s true. I’d mentioned I’d become friendly with someone, told them his name and how we met, but that was pretty much it.
I think they’re shocked and worry that I’ve made a hasty decision, but I’m sure about this relationship and I’m happy.
Maybe I should have told them about how things were developing with my partner, but I suppose I didn’t know if it would last, plus they are always so busy with their own lives.Things have been quite icy between my children and me – any thoughts on how I can reassure them?
Coleen says
Well, good for you! You deserve to be happy and it sounds as if you’ve met someone wonderful. I think the main problem with your kids is they didn’t realise the relationship was serious enough for you to move in together, so it might be a bolt out of the blue.
They’re probably shocked by what seems like a sudden decision, whereas you’ve been quietly getting to know this man for some months.
I think that’s the point you need to get across to them – this is a relationship that’s been developing gradually and you didn’t want to share too many details with them because you weren’t sure where it was heading, and you certainly didn’t anticipate a lockdown situation!
The current isolation has forced your hand and it’s provided a crash course in getting to know your partner, warts and all!
You can’t introduce him to your family right now, but why not set up a weekly video call where they can get to know him a bit? That might be more reassuring.
Hopefully, once you’re able to meet up, they’ll find out what you see in him and get to like him, too.
