Dear Coleen
I think I’m having a bit of a midlife crisis. I turned 50 in January and it’s really affected me.
I’ve never felt old before, but suddenly I do!
I’ve always been an attractive woman and look a lot younger than I am (or so everyone says).
I also work out every day and eat healthily, but I just have this sense of doom that it’s all over and I’m panicking about my age.
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and we have a good marriage, so it’s nothing he’s said or done that’s made me feel this way. It’s just how I feel inside.
I feel old at work and old compared to a lot of my friends – most of the mums I’ve got to know through my daughter’s school are nearly a decade younger than me because I didn’t have her until I was 42.
In fact, none of them know I’ve turned 50! I can’t bear to say the words out loud.
Do you think I’m being silly for feeling like this? Forty seems young to me now, even though it seemed ancient at the time.
Can you help?
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Coleen says
Well, I can certainly relate to you. You’ve explained it really well, but I found it hard to articulate how I felt turning 50. I’d loved every decade of life, but 50 hit me like ton of bricks.
I also felt old and scared, and suddenly closer to death! Which is silly, as you could get run over by a bus tomorrow.
My kids had grown up and needed me less, so I felt redundant and a bit invisible. I also work in an industry where I’m surrounded by much younger and glamorous people.
You’re also heading towards menopause, so you have to factor in out-of-balance hormones, too. That’s a huge deal for a woman.
So, what I’m trying to say is, I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal.
But let’s look at the good stuff here. You’re lucky you have a young daughter – exhausting, but keeps you mentally young – you’re fit, healthy and attractive, and have a successful marriage.
You’re winning! Appreciate those things and you’ll work it out.
I’m still in that process. One of the things I remind myself of when I’m feeling particularly past it, is that I’ve got to 54 and, God willing, still have lots of life ahead of me.
My sister died at 53, so I’m grateful I’m still here, celebrating birthdays
and watching my kids get older and develop as people. I don’t want to waste my time worrying.
Don’t let it get you down so much that you start missing out on life. You’re fantastically lucky and have so much to enjoy and celebrate.
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