Dear Coleen
I was with my boyfriend for seven years and we’re both 29. It was his decision to end the relationship and I had no idea he was unhappy.
I suppose we were coasting – we’d lived together for five years and took each other for granted in certain respects. But I thought we were in love.
When he left, I was incredibly upset. He insisted no one else was involved, but he felt we’d become more like friends than lovers, and he didn’t want to keep letting things drift on.
He moved out two months ago and we’ve recently put our house on the market, so we can sell it and divide the profit. That side of things has been pretty amicable.
However, a week ago I found out from a friend that he’s already seeing someone else. She’s five years younger and couldn’t be further from me as a person or in looks. I had a big showdown with him, accusing him of seeing her while we were still together, which he denied.
He cried during the confrontation and told me he wanted us to be friends and that although he believes it was the right decision to break up, he’s hurting over it, too.
I don’t know what to believe – maybe he just doesn’t want to look like a love rat. I’m so confused.
Pregnant woman proposal tests boyfriend's loyalty with undercover model and it ends really badly
Coleen says
The way you’re feeling is entirely normal – you’re hurt, rejected, jealous, angry and a whole lot more, and it’s going to take time for those feelings to fade. Here’s the thing, I don’t think you can be friends right now – it’s way too soon. Perhaps you can be friends in the future once you’ve sold the house and you’ve both moved on properly from the relationship.
It would be too painful for you to still be in his life while he develops a new relationship with someone else. And it might stop you from meeting someone special if that’s what you want.
There’s no denying it, break-ups are hard, especially so if you still love the other person. I get it, I’ve been there myself, but I also know that it does get easier. You just have to give yourself a chance.
As for whether or not this girl was on the scene before or after you broke up – who cares? It’s not going to change the outcome. Maybe he’s telling the truth and they didn’t get together until your relationship ended, but perhaps he knew her and was drawn to her and it made him question things with you.
Focus on yourself now and doing something positive with the money from the sale of your house.
