Dear Coleen
I’ve been seeing a married man on and off for a couple of years. I’m younger than him and single, and I suppose I’ve always treated it as a bit of exciting fun. The sex is really good too, plus he’s very generous and pays me a lot of attention.
I’ve never asked for more from him and have never demanded he leave his wife. However, I’ve recently found out I’m expecting his baby and I am unsure about what to do about it.
I think he’ll be shocked and I don’t think it’ll change anything in terms of him leaving his wife to be with me. They have two children together already, whom he adores, and I know most of his guilt around us is because he feels he’s betraying them.
I’m 28 and haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant – only a few good friends know about the guy I’m seeing, but my parents and the rest of my family don’t have a clue and would definitely disapprove.
We’ve arranged to go away together under the pretence of a weekend work trip, so I was going to break the baby news to him then. I’d love some advice on where to go from here?
Coleen says
Reading between the lines, it sounds as if you’ve decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. If that’s the case, I think you have to go into it with your eyes open and don’t have any expectations of him or you risk being hurt.
You have to expect you might end up parenting alone and that’s OK, but only you can judge whether or not you feel capable of taking that on.
However, he should pay maintenance for his child – it’s half his responsibility and you didn’t make the baby on your own. Of course, if money is going out of his account, his wife might find out.
I feel bad for her and her children – and if he can betray them, then it’s likely he could do the same to you, so why would you want to be with a man like that?
I’m sure your parents will disapprove because he’s married and they’ll also be worried about how you’ll cope. However, you’ll need support so I think you should tell them sooner rather than later.
Whether you keep the baby or not, I think this is a good point to draw a line under the affair and walk away. You deserve more from life and, quite frankly, so does his wife.
