Dear Coleen
I’m a 47-year-old woman and since my daughter went off to uni, I’ve found myself with a lot of spare time and don’t know what to do with myself.
I suddenly feel quite redundant and bored with life. My husband is at work all day, every day, and although I have friends who I meet up with, I need something else in my life.
My main problem is I’ve found myself looking at other men and flirting, which I’ve never done before.
I have a good marriage and sex is fine and pretty regular.
There is one guy in particular who I really fancy and I think he likes me too.
We go on the same dog walk every morning – he works from home – so we tend to walk together and have become friends. He’s really handsome and funny (and single), although he’s only 35, so quite a bit younger.
I know I could take this further, but of course I know it would be stupid as I have a lot to lose.
Should I carry on walking with him or change my route?
I’m thinking about it all the time.
Coleen says
I think you should change your route and avoid the temptation. I don’t think it’s the answer to how you’re feeling, and an affair would only give you a whole new set of problems.
I think you’re bored and also struggling a bit with your stage in life. I think nearing 50 and your children flying the nest is quite a pivotal moment. It’s a bit of a mid-life crisis.
It’s a tough transition and I think you do have to rebuild your life a bit to adjust to the changes.
You say your marriage is good and your sex life is fine, but could things be better? Could you put some effort into shaking things up and feeling closer to your husband again?
And what about going back to work, even part-time, or finding something else you’re interested in?
For the first time in many years you have the opportunity to really focus on yourself and what you want.
Of course it’s flattering when someone takes an interest in us – especially a hot younger man! But, you’re right, you do have a lot to lose, so try to keep reason and logic at the front of your mind.
And talk to your husband – tell him how you’re feeling.
