Dear Coleen
I recently went abroad with work to attend a conference that was postponed during the pandemic. I was there with a gang from my department and we’re all in our 20s and 30s, so we hit the hotel bar and club most nights and had a lot of fun.
On the second to last night, I met this really gorgeous guy from Spain. There was instant chemistry between us, but I’m married so I was up front with him that nothing could happen.
However, on the last night, my colleagues and I got hammered and hooked up with this guy again, only this time he came back to my room and we ended up having very hot sex.
While I did feel guilty, I didn’t regret it because it was an amazing night and it felt good to be so desired by someone.
I keep reliving that night over and over in my mind and I’ve been in touch with this guy a few times since returning home.
I’ve never questioned my marriage before – I’ve always thought my husband and I were pretty perfect together – but this has given me doubts.
I think he’s suspicious something is going on as he keeps asking me if I’m OK and the pressure is getting to me.
What do I do?
Coleen says
First, no relationship is “perfect” and yours certainly isn’t or you wouldn’t have slept with someone else so easily – drink or no drink. Of course a night of passionate sex with a hot stranger is exciting, but it’s not a relationship and you must think carefully about what you’ve built with your husband and if you’re willing to gamble it.
Realistically, are you going to move to Spain to be with this other guy or is he going to come over here to be with you?
Only you can decide how you deal with the guilt – do you come clean or at least admit to your husband you got close to another man or do you keep quiet? I know from experience that it’s horrible to be in your husband’s shoes – suspecting that something’s going on and feeling worried and insecure.
However, on the upside (if there is an upside), something like this can be a wake-up call for a relationship that’s struggling.
It’s make or break. So it’s up to you whether you’re willing to acknowledge that and put effort into your marriage.
