Dear Coleen
I’ve been dating a man for nine months – I’m 34 and he’s 40.
We don’t live together, but used to see each other two or three times a week before the lockdown and stayed over at each other’s places.
When the lockdown happened, I suggested we moved in together either at his house or my flat, but he didn’t want to do it. He said it felt “too soon” for that.
We’ve been dating for nearly a year, which I don’t think is too soon at all – not if we want to move the relationship on.
The latest blow is that he’s been in touch to say he wants to take a break from the relationship.
He says he’s not sure about us and wants time to figure it out.
He’s been on his own for two months – how much more time does he need?
At my stage in life I want a committed relationship and I want to start a family, so I feel very frustrated.
He has an ex-wife and a young daughter – she left him, although he’s never been altogether clear about why she walked out on the marriage.
I was looking forward to reuniting with him soon and now it feels like my life is in tatters. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Coleen says
If you’re pinning your hopes on this guy providing commitment, I’m not sure he’s the one.
I think you had a make or break moment at the start of lockdown when the option of moving in together was on the table.
You obviously felt confident about doing that, but he didn’t.
I think this experience has meant lots of people are reassessing what they want.
Yes, he’s had two months to think about things, so perhaps he simply doesn’t have the guts to be honest and tell you he wants out of the relationship.
Or maybe he’s worried it’s the worst possible time to deliver this kind of news.
But what you need is clarity in order to move on with your life.
Of course, he might come running back once lockdown is over and he’s resumed some kind of normal life.
However, for now I’d assume it’s the beginning of the end of this particular relationship.
None of this means you won’t meet a life partner and have a family, but it has to be the right person – someone who
is committed and wants the same things as you do.
Of course it’s hard to get over heartbreak, but you will.
You’re a young woman with your life ahead of you and you can fulfil your dreams.
