Dear Coleen
I’m in a really awkward situation with a good friend who I also happen to work with. I joined the company after her – in fact, she was the one who told me there was a job going, so I applied and got it.
Things were great while I was lower down the ranks than her, but a few weeks ago I was promoted above her and she’s taken it really badly.
We both applied for the promotion and there were no hard feelings – I think she assumed she’d get it because she was more senior and has more experience than me.
So when I got it, it was a real shock and since then she hardly speaks to me. She is also sullen and moody whenever I have to speak to her about work matters.
I also know she’s been bad-mouthing me to other members of staff, which is unprofessional and also hurtful.
I now hate going into work, even though I’m doing my dream role, and I don’t know how I can turn things around. If it was someone else in the company who was behaving like this I’d put a complaint in, but she’s a friend and we go back years.
What should I do?
Coleen says
I think we can safely say she’s envious and angry, and isn’t dealing with her feelings in the best way. OK, first of all, don’t feel you have to justify your promotion – you got it because you were the best person for the job and you deserve it, and that’s something to celebrate. I think you have to be the bigger person here. If I were you, I’d invite her out for a coffee, lunch or a drink – somewhere away from the office – and talk to her.
I can promise that you’ll feel much better if you take control and it’ll also show your friend that you’re not going to be bullied into leaving your job.
Explain how she’s been making you feel and that you want to be able to work alongside her. She’ll have the chance to get stuff off her chest, too, and hopefully will value your friendship enough to want to work things out.
If things don’t change after your heart-to-heart, then perhaps you can speak to your manager and they can have a word with your friend without it becoming an official complaint.
Maybe there’s also something the company can do to help her feel valued in her role.
But well done on the promotion – focus on your work and, as long as you’re pleasant and professional, that’s all you can do.
Ultimately, your friend will have to deal with her own disappointment and find a way through it.
