Dear Coleen
I’m a married man in my 30s and have had a best female friend since we were at college together.
She’s recently split up with her long-term boyfriend and she’s been leaning on me a lot, and I’ve been happy to support her.
Recently, we got drunk together and ended up having a kiss when I dropped her home, which we haven’t spoken about since.
The thing is, it stirred something in me and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it – or her.
It’s made me question our relationship and whether I’ve always had stronger feelings for her than I was willing to admit.
I’m confused and feel guilty because I’m married, and thought I was happy with my wife.
I’m supposed to meet up with my friend soon for a drink and don’t know what to say or how this is going to affect our friendship.
I wish the kiss had never happened, but these feelings won’t go away and I’m questioning my marriage.
Do you think my feelings for my friend are real?
I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
I don’t think you can just ignore what happened and blame the drink, as convenient as that is. You’ve crossed a line and you need to talk about it.
So I’d meet up with your friend, but maybe for a coffee instead of alcohol, and ask her about how she feels about the kiss because it’s stirred up some confusing feelings in you.
I know it’s a difficult conversation to have and I don’t know what it means for your friendship – maybe you’ll be able to talk it out and decide to move on from it and be mates.
I don’t know how real these feelings are for you, but I’m not sure there’s anything deeper going on for your friend.
She’s in a very vulnerable place right now and you’re being kind to her and offering support, and sometimes lines can get blurred, especially when drink is involved.
You also have to think very carefully about what you’ve got to lose – you say you were happy in your marriage until this kiss.
And I think if there was a genuine romantic chemistry between you and your friend, something would have happened before now.
It sounds like you knew each other before either of you got into long-term relationships.
